If you want to live life with more emotional intelligence, say goodbye to these 6 habits

Emotional intelligence might just be the ultimate life hack.

It’s what helps you stay calm when things go sideways, read the room like a pro, and build connections that actually matter.

Whether you’re navigating tricky relationships or chasing big goals, this skill has a way of making life smoother, more fulfilling, and a whole lot more rewarding.

But let’s be real—sometimes, our own habits can sabotage our emotional intelligence without us even realizing it.

If you’re ready to level up and live with more emotional smarts, it’s time to ditch these six behaviors that might be holding you back. Let’s break it down.

1) Judging others before understanding them

I’ll start with a habit many of us are guilty of: making snap judgments. We see someone acting a certain way and we immediately label them.

But here’s the thing, we don’t know their story or what they’re going through.

This habit can limit our emotional intelligence because it prevents us from fully understanding the emotions of others. It can lead to miscommunication, conflict and even damage relationships.

Instead of judging, try to understand. Listen more, ask relevant questions and empathize.

Remember, emotional intelligence is about more than just understanding your own emotions, it’s also about understanding others. And that starts with refraining from quick judgments.

As the saying goes, “Be kind — you never know what someone else is going through.”

2) Ignoring or suppressing your own emotions

Another big mistake we often make is ignoring our own emotions.

I used to be guilty of this. Whenever I felt stressed or overwhelmed, I would just push those feelings aside and keep going, thinking I was being strong. But what I didn’t realize was that by ignoring my emotions, I was actually making things worse.

Ignoring your emotions doesn’t make them go away. In fact, it often amplifies them, leading to outbursts or breakdowns later on.

So, I started paying attention to my feelings. If I was feeling stressed, I would acknowledge it and take steps to relax, like taking a walk or meditating.

By recognizing and addressing my emotions instead of ignoring them, I was able to manage them better and respond more effectively to different situations. It also helped me understand the emotions of others more accurately.

So, if you want to live life with more emotional intelligence, start by acknowledging your emotions rather than pushing them away. Trust me, it makes a big difference.

3) Avoiding conflict

Following on from that, ignoring conflict is another habit that can get in the way of developing emotional intelligence.

Yes, conflict can be uncomfortable. It’s much easier to avoid difficult conversations, to smile and nod when we disagree with someone instead of voicing our thoughts. But much like ignoring our emotions, this doesn’t help us grow emotionally.

In fact, healthy conflict can be a powerful tool for emotional growth. It forces us to understand different perspectives, manage our emotions in high-stress situations, and learn how to communicate effectively.

So, don’t shy away from disagreements or difficult conversations. Embrace them as opportunities to improve your emotional intelligence — they’ve certainly improved mine! You might surprise yourself with how much you can learn from these experiences.

4) Living on autopilot

When we’re on autopilot, we’re not fully present in the moment. We’re just going through the motions without really paying attention to what we’re doing or how we’re feeling.

This can lead to a disconnection from our emotions and those of others. It can also lead to missed opportunities to learn and grow, both personally and emotionally.

In my book, The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment, I delve deeper into how living mindfully can drastically improve your emotional intelligence.

Mindfulness is about being fully present in the moment, paying attention to your feelings, thoughts, and surroundings without judgment. It’s about being aware of your emotions as they arise and dealing with them in a healthy way.

By practicing mindfulness, you can break free from autopilot mode and start living more consciously. This will help you better understand your emotions and those of others, thereby boosting your emotional intelligence.

5) Neglecting self-care

Research has shown that our emotional wellbeing is closely tied to our physical wellbeing. That’s why neglecting self-care can be detrimental to our emotional intelligence.

We often prioritize other people’s needs over our own, thinking it’s selfish to take time for ourselves. But when we’re burnt out and stressed, we’re not in a good place to understand or manage our own emotions, let alone those of others.

Investing time in self-care, whether that means getting enough sleep, eating healthily, exercising regularly, or simply taking time out to relax and do things you enjoy, is crucial for maintaining good emotional health.

Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s necessary. And it’s a key factor in living life with more emotional intelligence.

6) Fearing vulnerability

Let’s face it—being vulnerable can feel scary. Opening up and showing your true feelings might seem like you’re handing someone the power to hurt you.

But here’s the twist: avoiding vulnerability doesn’t protect you—it isolates you.

It creates walls instead of bridges, keeping you from forming the deep, meaningful connections that emotional intelligence is all about.

When you fear vulnerability, you might:

• Avoid tough conversations
• Shy away from asking for help
• Keep people at arm’s length

And I get it. Sometimes it’s easier to do all of that than bare your weaknesses and flaws.

But true strength comes from allowing yourself to be seen, imperfections and all. Being vulnerable shows courage and builds trust, both with yourself and others.

So, let go of the fear. Take small steps, like sharing your thoughts or admitting when you’re struggling. You’ll feel much stronger and more connected when you stop hiding behind those walls.

Final thoughts

Emotional intelligence is one of the most transformative skills you can develop, but it requires a bit of self-awareness and the willingness to let go of old habits that don’t serve you.

It’s about showing up for yourself and others with empathy, understanding, and self-awareness. It challenges you to move beyond old patterns and embrace a way of living that’s rooted in deeper connection and clarity.

In my book, The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment, I delve deeper into how mindfulness and emotional intelligence are interconnected and how you can begin your journey towards personal growth.

By choosing to cultivate emotional intelligence, you’re choosing a path that prioritizes growth and authenticity.

It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being present, open, and willing to learn from every experience.

The more you lean into this mindset, the more fulfilling and meaningful your relationships—and your life—will become.