If you want to project confidence and strength when you meet new people, say goodbye to these 8 subtle habits

First impressions count, right? We all want to come across as confident, self-assured, and genuine when meeting new people.

But sometimes, without even realizing it, we carry certain habits that do the opposite—they can make us seem hesitant, insecure, or even standoffish.

And often, these habits are so subtle that we might not even be aware of them.

I’ve been there, wondering why I didn’t come across the way I’d hoped, only to realize that my own behaviors were working against me.

If you’re ready to leave a lasting impression of strength and confidence, it’s time to let go of these sneaky habits.

Here’s a look at eight common ones that might be holding you back, and how to break free from them.

1) Over-apologizing

We’ve all met that person who says “sorry” for everything. It’s like a verbal tic, dropped into conversations without thought. And while it might seem polite, it can actually undermine your confidence and authority.

Here’s the thing: Apologies are powerful when they’re sincere and warranted.

But when you say “sorry” for things that aren’t your fault or out of your control, you’re essentially taking responsibility for things that aren’t yours to own.

This can make you seem less assured and more submissive.

So, instead of apologizing for every little thing, start recognizing when an apology is truly necessary. And when it’s not, try replacing “I’m sorry” with phrases like “excuse me” or “thank you for your patience”.

This simple shift can project confidence and strength while still maintaining respect and empathy.

As renowned psychologist Dr. Wayne Dyer once said, “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”

The same goes for how we communicate – small changes can make a huge difference in how others perceive us.

2) Avoiding eye contact

I recall an instance years ago when I was presenting a mindfulness seminar. I noticed a participant who rarely made eye contact with others during group activities or discussions.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t engaged or interested, but his habit of avoiding eye contact created a barrier between him and the rest of the group.

According to an interesting study, eye contact is one of the most immediate and effective ways to convey confidence and connection.

When you look someone in the eyes, you’re communicating that you’re present, interested, and unafraid.

Conversely, when you avoid someone’s gaze, it can come across as if you’re insecure, uninterested or even insincere.

So the next time you’re meeting new people, remember to maintain steady eye contact. Don’t stare them down, but don’t shy away either. Just hold their gaze in a friendly and relaxed manner.

It’s a small change that can significantly enhance your projection of confidence and strength.

3) Fidgeting

Ever noticed how you play with your pen during an important meeting or twirl your hair when you’re nervous?

These fidgety habits can betray your nervousness and undermine the confidence and strength you’re trying to project.

In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego”, I discuss how mindfulness can help you become more aware of these subtle, self-sabotaging habits.

By practicing mindfulness, you can learn to stay present in the moment, which can help you become aware of when you start to fidget.

Noticing this, you can then consciously choose to stop, grounding yourself and projecting a more calm and confident image.

Remember, it’s not about suppression but awareness. Once you’re aware of your fidgety habits, you can learn to manage them better, appearing more composed and assertive in your interactions with others.

4) Negative self-talk

It’s easy to underestimate the power of our internal monologue. But research has shown that the way we talk to ourselves can significantly impact our confidence and behavior.

Negative self-talk – those subtle, internal criticisms and doubts – can seep into our interactions with others.

For instance, if you’re constantly telling yourself, “I’m not good enough” or “I always mess up”, it’s likely that you’ll project these feelings of inadequacy when you meet new people.

Instead, try engaging in positive self-talk. Replace those critical inner voices with supportive and optimistic affirmations. Say to yourself, “I am capable” or “I can handle this”.

This shift in inner dialogue can help boost self-esteem, improve performance, and promote a more confident and positive presence when interacting with others.

5) Over-preparation

Now, this might seem a bit counter-intuitive. After all, isn’t preparation key to confidence and success?

Well, yes, but there’s a fine line between preparation and over-preparation.

When meeting new people, it’s tempting to rehearse every possible scenario in your head. You might try to predict what they’ll say or how they’ll react, so you can prepare the perfect response.

But here’s the catch: over-preparation can lead to rigidity and anxiety. You become so focused on sticking to your script that you lose sight of the present moment.

You end up sounding rehearsed and inauthentic, which can undermine the confidence and strength you’re trying to project.

So instead of over-preparing, aim for balance. Prepare enough to feel confident, but leave room for spontaneity and authenticity.

Keep in mind that real-life conversations are fluid and unpredictable. It’s your ability to adapt and respond in the moment that truly demonstrates confidence and strength.

6) Hiding your imperfections

In a society that often values perfection, it’s tempting to hide our flaws and mistakes, especially when meeting new people. We fear that showing our imperfections might make us seem weak or incompetent.

But here’s the thing: nobody is perfect. And pretending to be can actually make you seem less authentic and confident.

Instead of hiding your imperfections, embrace them. They’re a part of who you are and can often serve as a testament to your growth and resilience.

Being open about your mistakes and flaws can show strength, humility, and the confidence to acknowledge that you’re a work in progress. And often, people appreciate authenticity more than perceived perfection.

In fact, psychologists say that being authentic is the best dating strategy, as it makes you more attractive to other people.

7) Being overly self-conscious

There was a time when every social situation felt like a performance. The constant worry about how others perceived me, whether I was saying the right things, or if I was fitting in, was exhausting.

It felt like walking on eggshells, afraid of making the wrong move.

Here’s what I’ve learned: being overly self-conscious can hinder your ability to project confidence and strength.

It keeps you stuck in your head, distracting you from the present moment and preventing genuine connections with others.

Instead of worrying about how you’re coming across, try shifting your focus outward. Engage fully in the conversation, show genuine interest in the other person, and be present in the moment.

Believe me, changing what you focus on will almost instantly boost your confidence. Because then, you won’t be all up in your head wondering how you come across.

Your attention is engaged somewhere else, and in the process you appear more relaxed and authentic.

8) Not setting boundaries

Setting boundaries might not be the first thing that comes to mind when you think about projecting confidence. However, it’s a crucial aspect of self-assurance and respect.

When you don’t set boundaries, it’s easy for others to overlook your needs and take advantage of your time and energy. This can leave you feeling disrespected and undervalued.

On the other hand, when you clearly communicate your boundaries, you’re asserting your value and showing that you respect yourself enough to prioritize your needs.

This can project strength and confidence, as well as earn the respect of others.

As the counselors at See Beyond explain:

“Boundary setting empowers us to assert ourselves, advocate for our needs, and protect our rights. It strengthens our self-esteem and self-confidence as we take ownership of our lives and make choices that align with our values and well-being.”

A final thought

Confidence is as much about what we leave behind as it is about what we embrace. By shedding these subtle habits, you’re clearing the way for a more authentic, powerful version of yourself to shine through.

Building self-awareness isn’t about overhauling who you are—it’s about aligning your actions with your true strengths and letting go of behaviors that hold you back.

In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego”, I delve deeper into the power of self-awareness and mindfulness in shaping our lives.

If you’ve found this article helpful, you might find the book insightful.

So, next time you meet someone new, remember: confidence is built on authenticity. By letting go of what no longer serves you, you’ll make room for the strongest, truest version of yourself to take center stage.