7 things you don’t realize you’re doing because you’re emotionally wounded

Have you ever caught yourself reacting to a situation and wondered, Why did I do that?

Emotional wounds have a way of shaping our behaviors in ways we don’t always recognize. Whether it’s from past heartbreak, childhood trauma, or life’s countless curveballs, those unhealed parts of us often show up in subtle, unexpected ways.

The tricky thing about emotional wounds is that they tend to fly under the radar, influencing how we think, feel, and interact with others without us even realizing it.

Let’s unpack seven common behaviors that might actually be signs of deeper emotional pain—and how understanding them can be the first step toward healing.

1) Over apologizing

It’s a simple habit many of us have, saying “I’m sorry” even when it’s completely unnecessary. But have you ever wondered why you’re constantly apologizing?

This could be a sign of an emotional wound. Over-apologizing often stems from a deep-seated fear of being a burden or causing inconvenience, which could be rooted in past trauma or negative experiences.

It can be a hard habit to break, but recognizing it is the first step towards healing. So, next time you catch yourself about to say “sorry” for something trivial, pause and reconsider if an apology is truly warranted.

Remember, acknowledging your emotional wounds isn’t about blaming yourself. It’s about understanding your behavior and taking steps towards healing.

2) Avoiding intimacy

I remember a time when I found myself shying away from any form of deep emotional connection. Whether it was with friends, family, or potential partners, I’d put up walls and keep everyone at arm’s length.

This kind of emotional distancing is a common sign of carrying an emotional wound.

You see, intimacy can feel threatening when you’re wounded. It means opening up, being vulnerable, and there’s the fear of being hurt again.

In my case, it took a while to recognize what I was doing and why. But once I did, I started working on it, slowly allowing myself to trust and connect with people again. It’s not easy, but understanding is the first step towards healing.

3) Being overly resilient

You might think being tough and resilient is always a good thing. But when it becomes a default response, it might be a sign of an emotional wound.

Being mentally tough means you can bounce back from adversity. But if you’re always bouncing back without allowing yourself to feel or process your emotions, you’re not really healing. You’re just burying your feelings deeper.

In my book, “The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness”, I delve into the importance of combining resilience with emotional awareness.

True resilience isn’t about ignoring your emotions, it’s about acknowledging them and using them as a tool for growth and healing.

So if you find yourself constantly ‘toughing it out’ without giving yourself space to feel, it might be time to reevaluate your approach to resilience.

4) Self-sabotaging

There was a time when everything seemed to be going right. Job was great, relationship was blossoming, and life was generally on an upswing.

But somehow, it all started falling apart. Missed deadlines at work, unnecessary fights with the partner, self-doubt creeping in – it was as if I was pulling the rug from under my own feet.

This is a classic example of self-sabotage, a behavior often rooted in emotional wounds.

When we are emotionally wounded, we may unconsciously believe that we don’t deserve happiness or success. So we end up sabotaging our own efforts, perpetuating a cycle of pain and disappointment.

Recognizing this pattern is the first step towards breaking it. It’s not easy, but it’s absolutely crucial for healing and growth.

5) Being overly positive

Sounds strange, right? How can being positive be a sign of emotional wounds? Well, it’s all about balance.

Sometimes, we use positivity as a shield to avoid dealing with our negative feelings or experiences. We convince ourselves that everything is fine, even when it’s not. We push away any hint of sadness, anger, or fear and replace it with forced positivity.

This is often referred to as toxic positivity. While it might seem like a good coping mechanism, it often stops us from truly dealing with our emotional wounds.

It’s okay to feel negative emotions – they are just as valid and important as the positive ones. Acknowledging them is an important part of the healing process.

6) Overthinking

Ever found yourself stuck in a loop of thoughts, replaying past events over and over again? Or perhaps you’re constantly worrying about the future, creating scenarios that haven’t even happened yet?

This is called overthinking, and it can be a sign of an emotional wound.

According to mental health experts, overthinking is a coping mechanism that typically arises from childhood trauma. As adults, we may still carry this habit to prepare ourselves for potential pain or disappointment.

But in reality, it just keeps us stuck in the past or anxious about the future.

Recognizing this habit as a symptom of emotional wounds can help us break the cycle. It’s about learning to live in the present and dealing with our emotions as they come, rather than getting lost in our thoughts.

7) Seeking external validation

Lastly, if you’re constantly seeking approval and validation from others, it could be a sign of an emotional wound.

The need for external validation often stems from a lack of self-worth or self-love, which can be tied to past hurts or traumas.

Remember, your worth is not defined by others’ opinions of you. It’s about how you see and value yourself.

Healing emotional wounds involves building a strong sense of self-love and self-acceptance, independent of external factors.

Conclusion

Understanding our behaviors and the motives behind them is a complex journey, often revealing deep-seated emotional wounds.

The seven behaviors we’ve discussed could be indicators that you’re carrying emotional burdens. Recognizing them is the first step towards healing and growing.

In my book, “The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness”, I delve into the importance of emotional resilience in the face of adversity. But resilience doesn’t mean ignoring your past wounds. It means facing them, understanding them, and ultimately, healing.

Whether it’s over-apologizing, avoiding intimacy, being overly resilient, self-sabotaging, displaying toxic positivity, overthinking, or seeking validation from others, remember that these behaviors are not indicative of weakness. They are simply signs that you are human, carrying scars that need healing.

Take this as a moment of self-reflection. Think about these behaviors, identify if any resonate with you and consider what they might be telling you about your emotional state. Remember, understanding is the first step to healing.