Have you ever found yourself in a conversation where, no matter what you say or what’s going on, it somehow always turns back to them?
It’s like they have this uncanny ability to shift every story, moment, or even tragedy into a spotlight on themselves.
At first, you might not even notice it, but over time, you begin to realize that every interaction with a narcissist revolves around their needs, feelings, and desires—no matter how small or irrelevant they seem.
In this article, we’ll uncover the 8 subtle tactics narcissists use to make everything about them.
These behaviors often fly under the radar, but understanding these red flags can help you navigate your relationships more confidently and protect your emotional well-being.
1) The art of conversation hijacking
Have you ever found yourself in a conversation where, no matter the topic, it always seems to loop back to one person?
Welcome to the world of a narcissist.
Narcissists have a knack for subtly hijacking conversations and steering them towards their favorite subject – themselves. It’s an art where they can turn even the most unrelated topics into a platform for self-promotion.
Whether it’s your cousin’s wedding, a global crisis, or the latest movie release, somehow, they’ll find a way to relate it back to their experiences, achievements, or issues.
This tactic is not just about keeping the spotlight on them but also about establishing their dominance and superiority.
2) The game of one-upmanship
A while back, I was talking to a friend – let’s call him Steve. I was sharing a recent accomplishment – a promotion at work that I was really proud of.
Before I could even finish my sentence, Steve jumped in with his own ‘bigger’ achievement.
It wasn’t just a simple interjection, but a calculated move to outshine my news with his ‘better’ accomplishment.
This is classic narcissistic behavior – the game of one-upmanship. They subtly undermine your achievements by presenting their own as superior, often embellishing the truth for added impact.
The goal here isn’t just to make themselves look better, but to make you feel less significant in comparison. And they’re so smooth about it that you may not even realize what’s happening until later.
3) The mirroring technique
Narcissists have a fascinating tool in their arsenal – mirroring. This is when they mimic or mirror your behaviors, interests, or mannerisms to make themselves appear more appealing or relatable.
This is actually a common technique used in psychology for building rapport, empathy and understanding between two individuals.
However, narcissists use it for a different purpose: to build a false sense of intimacy and trust, just to keep the focus on them.
For instance, if you’re into yoga, suddenly they’re a yoga enthusiast too. If you love Italian food, it’s their favorite cuisine as well.
It’s all part of their grand design to make you feel ‘seen’ and ‘understood’, while subtly steering the conversation back towards them and their experiences.
4) The constant need for validation
Narcissists have an insatiable need for validation, known as “Narcissistic Supply“. They constantly seek compliments, admiration, and affirmation to feed their inflated self-image.
But it’s not just about receiving praise. They often go out of their way to fish for it. They might subtly downplay their achievements or pretend to be insecure just to prompt you to compliment them or reassure them of their greatness.
For instance, a narcissist might say something like, “I don’t think my presentation was good enough”, even when they know it was excellent.
This is a ploy designed to elicit compliments and reassurances, ensuring the focus remains firmly on them.
5) The empathy deficit
One of the most challenging aspects of dealing with a narcissist is their lack of empathy. They often struggle to understand or share the feelings of others, making interactions feel one-sided and hollow.
For instance, if you’re going through a tough time and share your feelings, a narcissist might quickly brush it off and divert the conversation back to their own issues.
It’s not that they can’t comprehend your pain, it’s just that they’re more interested in their own experiences.
This lack of empathy isn’t just hurtful; it’s a subtle way for them to keep the focus on themselves. They use your vulnerability as an opportunity to shift the spotlight back onto their problems or achievements.
6) The blame shift
I remember a time when a project I was working on with a colleague didn’t go as planned. Instead of collectively taking responsibility, my colleague shifted the entire blame onto me, ignoring the fact that it was a joint effort.
This is a common tactic used by narcissists – the blame shift.
They refuse to acknowledge their mistakes and instead, find subtle ways to pin the blame on others. They have an uncanny ability to twist narratives in their favor, making themselves appear as the victim or the hero, but never the villain.
This isn’t just about avoiding responsibility. It’s a calculated move to maintain their image and ensure they’re still the center of attention, albeit for different reasons.
7) The grandiose fantasy
Narcissists often live in a world of grandiose fantasy. They have an inflated sense of self-importance and see themselves as superior beings destined for greatness.
They often weave these fantasies into conversations, subtly emphasizing their unique talents, intelligence, or accomplishments. They might drop hints about their ‘inevitable’ success or ‘extraordinary’ potential, steering the conversation back to their self-created narrative.
For example, they might casually mention how they’re destined to be the next big thing in their field or how they’re misunderstood geniuses.
This tactics boosts their ego, while keeping the attention on themselves and their grand plans.
8) The emotional manipulation
The most crucial thing to understand about narcissists is their expertise in emotional manipulation. They have an uncanny ability to play with people’s emotions to serve their own needs.
They might use guilt trips, play the victim, or use passive-aggressive tactics to keep you entangled in their web.
For instance, they might give you the silent treatment or make you feel guilty for not meeting their unrealistic expectations.
Emotional manipulation allows them to control your actions and stay at the center of your emotional universe.
The takeaway: Understanding is the key
Narcissists often use subtle tactics to make everything revolve around them, leaving you feeling drained, overlooked, or even questioning your own experiences.
While it can be difficult to confront a narcissist, understanding their tactics empowers you to regain control of your own narrative and ensure your needs are met.
Trust your instincts, prioritize your feelings, and remember—you deserve relationships that are balanced, mutual, and genuinely supportive.
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