We often think of bullies as something confined to schoolyards, but the truth is, they can show up anywhere—at work, in friendships, or even within families.
As adults, they’ve perfected their tactics, using subtle language to manipulate, control, or belittle others without ever raising a hand.
These “adult bullies” may not shout or call names, but their words can leave lasting scars. In this article, we’ll uncover 8 subtle phrases that adult bullies love to use, based on psychological insights.
By knowing which phrases to listen out for, you’ll be able to spot and stop adult bullies before they chip away at your confidence.
1) “You’re too sensitive”
One of the most common phrases adult bullies love to use is telling you that you’re “too sensitive”.
This is a classic gaslighting technique used to make you question your own feelings and reactions. For example, if an adult bully makes an offensive comment and you react, they might quickly retort with, “You’re too sensitive”.
The aim here is to make you feel guilty for being upset, essentially shifting the blame from their inappropriate behavior onto your reaction.
It’s a manipulative way to belittle your feelings and make you second guess yourself. The bully gets to escape responsibility for their actions while you’re left feeling overly emotional or unreasonable.
Everyone has the right to express their feelings and reactions. If something doesn’t sit right with you, it’s okay to speak up about it. Don’t let someone else’s bullying tactics trick you into thinking otherwise.
The problem isn’t your sensitivity – it’s their lack of respect and empathy.
2) “I was just joking”
The phrase “I was just joking” is another favorite in the adult bully’s playbook. This phrase is tricky because it can easily make you doubt your own interpretation of the situation.
You might have felt hurt or insulted by their comment, but as soon as they say they were “just joking,” it puts you in a difficult position where you’re left wondering if you misunderstood their intent.
However, humor should never be used as a disguise for disrespect or cruelty. A joke is meant to bring laughter and joy, not discomfort and pain.
If someone frequently hurts your feelings and then brushes it off as a joke, that’s a clear sign of subtle bullying.
It’s important to remember that your feelings are valid. If someone’s “joke” hurts, that’s not okay – regardless of their intention. It’s a subtle form of bullying aimed at belittling you while shielding them from accountability.
3) “Why can’t you take a compliment?”
Another subtle phrase adult bullies often use is “Why can’t you take a compliment?”
This might seem like a genuine question at first, but it’s actually a clever form of manipulation. The bully might pair a negative comment with a compliment, creating a confusing situation that leaves you unsure of how to react.
This tactic is known as negging, a concept coined by pick-up artists. The idea is to undermine someone’s confidence by giving them a backhanded compliment.
It’s designed to make you feel insecure and seek their approval, putting the bully in a position of power and control.
Here’s the catch: genuine compliments don’t make you feel uncomfortable or uncertain. If you’re left feeling bad after what’s supposed to be praise, that’s a good sign that something isn’t quite right.
4) “You’re always overthinking things”
“You’re always overthinking things” is a phrase that adult bullies often use to dismiss your concerns or feelings.
They might use it when you try to discuss something that’s bothering you, effectively shutting down the conversation before it even begins.
This can make you feel as though your thoughts and feelings aren’t valid or important. It’s a subtle form of belittlement, making you believe that you’re just being paranoid or over-analytical.
But remember, your feelings and thoughts are valid. If something bothers you, it’s okay to express it. It’s okay to want to talk things out. No one should make you feel like your concerns aren’t worth discussing.
5) “Can’t you take a joke?”
It’s a scenario many of us have experienced: someone makes a derogatory comment or hurtful joke at our expense, and when we express our discomfort, they respond with “Can’t you take a joke?”
This phrase is more than just a question – it’s an attempt to undermine your feelings and make you the “problem” for not laughing along.
It’s a classic adult bully move, designed to make you feel like the odd one out, while they get away with their disrespectful behavior.
Jokes are meant to be fun and enjoyable, not hurtful or offensive. If a joke makes you uncomfortable, that’s not your fault. It’s the fault of the person making the joke.
You’re entitled to your feelings, and it’s okay to stand up for yourself when someone crosses the line.
6) “I’m just being honest”
“I’m just being honest” is a phrase that adult bullies often use to justify their harsh or unkind words.
By framing their comments as honesty, they attempt to excuse their behavior and make their words seem less offensive.
For instance, let’s say you’ve started a new hobby and you’re excited to share your progress. An adult bully might respond with something like, “I’m just being honest, but you’re not very good at this.”
This kind of comment can be really hurtful and discouraging.
It’s important to remember that honesty should never be used as a cover for cruelty.
Constructive criticism is one thing, but if someone’s “honesty” consistently makes you feel bad about yourself, it’s not about truthfulness – it’s about them trying to tear you down.
7) “Don’t take it personally”
“Don’t take it personally” is a phrase that adult bullies often use to deflect responsibility for their hurtful actions or words. It’s a way for them to make their behavior seem less impactful, as if you’re the one overreacting.
Let’s get something straight – if someone’s actions or words hurt you, you have every right to take it personally. You’re not overreacting or being overly sensitive. You’re responding to something that was hurtful or unkind.
Bullying, in any form, is unacceptable. If someone tells you not to take their harmful behavior personally, remember that this is a tactic used to evade accountability.
It’s not about you – it’s about their inability to respect your feelings.
8) “You’re making a big deal out of nothing”
The phrase “You’re making a big deal out of nothing” is often used by adult bullies to undermine your feelings and make your concerns seem insignificant.
They use this phrase to dismiss your emotions and make you feel like you’re overreacting.
If something bothers you, it’s not “nothing”. If you feel hurt or upset, it’s not overreacting. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
Stand up for yourself. Remember that it’s okay to express your feelings and set boundaries. You deserve respect, and don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise.
Conclusion
Adult bullies may be more covert in their tactics, but their impact can be just as damaging. Recognizing the subtle phrases they use is the first step in protecting yourself from their influence.
You never have to tolerate manipulation or disrespect. When confronted with a bully’s words, stay calm and assertive—don’t let their comments undermine your self-worth.
Set clear boundaries and call out their behavior when necessary. It’s also helpful to surround yourself with supportive people who respect you and your boundaries.
By staying aware and empowered, you can navigate interactions with adult bullies without letting them control your peace of mind.
Feeling stuck in self-doubt?
Stop trying to fix yourself and start embracing who you are. Join the free 7-day self-discovery challenge and learn how to transform negative emotions into personal growth.
