8 phrases you should stop using if you want to become a more confident person

If you’re anything like me, you’re probably guilty of the occasional “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t do this”.

These phrases might seem harmless, but they can seriously chip away at your self-esteem over time.

Here’s the truth: Confidence isn’t an innate trait; it’s something we develop. And the language we use with ourselves plays a crucial role in building it.

Tweaking the way you talk to yourself can significantly boost your confidence, and in this article I’m going to show you how.

Read on to learn eight phrases that you need to stop saying if you want to come across as more confident and self-assured.

1) “I’m not good enough”

We’ve all been there – that little voice in our head whispering, “I’m not good enough.” It’s a real confidence killer, isn’t it?

This phrase is a classic example of negative self-talk – and trust me, it’s doing more harm than good. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Think about it: each time you say it, you’re reinforcing the belief that you’re somehow less than others. You’re telling yourself that you don’t measure up, that other people are better than you. And the more you say it, the more you believe it.

So, what can we do about it?

Simple. Start by acknowledging this phrase as a confidence zapper. Recognize that it’s not helpful, and commit to changing your language.

Replace “I’m not good enough” with something positive and empowering like “I’m capable and deserving.”

2) “I should’ve done better”

At first glance, “I should’ve done better” might seem like a phrase that drives improvement and growth. After all, acknowledging our mistakes is a crucial part of learning, right?

But here’s the thing: this phrase isn’t about learning. It’s about self-criticism.

When we say “I should’ve done better,” what we’re really saying is “I failed.” And this constant self-criticism can seriously dent our confidence.

The problem with this phrase is that it focuses on the past – a past we can’t change. It keeps us stuck in our mistakes, rather than motivating us to improve.

Instead of dwelling on what you should have done, try focusing on what you can do now. Swap “I should’ve done better” with “Next time, I’ll try this approach.”

This shift in language promotes a growth mindset, encourages learning from our mistakes, and most importantly, builds confidence.

3) “I can’t”

“I can’t” is one of the most limiting phrases we use. Each time we say it, we’re creating a mental barrier that’s preventing us from achieving our goals.

The brain is a powerful tool, and studies have shown that our thoughts can directly influence our actions.

When we tell ourselves we can’t do something, our brain accepts it as a fact – and over time, this belief becomes our reality.

But what if we flip the script? What if, instead of saying “I can’t,” we say “I’ll find a way”?

This simple change can have a dramatic impact on our mindset. It encourages problem-solving and resilience, traits that will build your self-confidence.

So next time you catch yourself thinking “I can’t,” challenge that belief.

Remind yourself that you’re capable of more than you think. Because the truth is, the only person who can limit your potential is you.

4) “I’m such a mess”

Life can get messy, it’s true. We all have those days when things don’t go as planned, when we feel overwhelmed, or when we simply aren’t at our best. It’s part of being human.

But labeling ourselves as “a mess” isn’t doing us any favors.

When we use this phrase, we’re focusing on the negative. We’re dwelling on our flaws and mistakes, rather than seeing the bigger picture – that we’re all works in progress, and that it’s perfectly okay to have off days.

Instead of calling yourself a mess, try showing yourself some compassion. Remember that everyone has rough patches and that it’s okay not to be perfect.

Try saying, “I’m doing the best I can,” instead.

This phrase acknowledges your struggles but also highlights your efforts. It creates a space for self-acceptance and encourages resilience – two key factors in building confidence.

5) “I’m just lucky”

Have you ever achieved something great, only to brush it off as mere luck?

Yeah, me too. It’s a common reaction, especially when we feel uncomfortable with praise or success.

But here’s the thing: it’s not luck. It’s you.

When we attribute our successes to luck, we’re undermining our abilities and efforts. We’re telling ourselves that we didn’t earn our achievements, that they just happened by chance.

But the truth is, you worked hard for your successes. You put in the time, the effort, the dedication. You deserve to acknowledge that.

So next time you catch yourself saying “I’m just lucky,” try replacing it with “I worked hard for this.” This shift in language affirms your capabilities and fosters a sense of self-worth.

6) “I’m sorry, but…”

We’ve all been there. You’re in a meeting or a conversation, you have an idea or an opinion to share, but you start with “I’m sorry, but…”. It’s as if we’re apologizing for having an opinion or a thought.

A friend of mine used to do this all the time.

Whether she was making a suggestion at work or expressing her feelings in her personal life, she’d always preface her thoughts with “I’m sorry, but…”.

It was as if she felt she had to apologize for having a voice.

But here’s the thing: psychology shows that over-apologising makes you lose respect from others, and it can lower your self-esteem.

Your opinions matter. Your thoughts are valid. You don’t need to apologize for having them.

Next time you catch yourself saying “I’m sorry, but…”, try replacing it with “I believe…” or “In my opinion…”. This change not only eliminates unnecessary apologies but also asserts your confidence in your own ideas.

7) “I’ll try”

“I’ll try” – it sounds like a commitment, doesn’t it? But let’s be honest, it’s often a cop-out.

We say “I’ll try” when we’re not fully invested in doing something, when we’re not willing to make a solid commitment.

The problem with “I’ll try” is that it leaves room for doubt. It implies that you might not succeed, that you might not even give it your all. And this mindset can be a real confidence killer.

If you want to build confidence, you need to believe in your ability to achieve your goals. And that starts with making a firm commitment. So instead of saying “I’ll try,” say “I will.”

“Try” implies uncertainty. “Will” exudes confidence and determination. So let’s ditch the “I’ll try” and embrace the “I will”.

8) “I’m always messing up”

Now, this is a big one. When we say “I’m always messing up,” we’re not simply acknowledging a mistake. We’re branding ourselves as failures. And let’s be clear here: making a mistake does not make you a failure.

Mistakes are inevitable. They’re part of life, part of learning, part of growing. But they don’t define you. Your worth is not determined by your mistakes.

So, the next time you mess up – and trust me, there will be a next time because we’re all human – try saying, “I made a mistake, and I’ll learn from it.”

This phrase acknowledges the error but also focuses on growth and improvement.

Wrapping up

Becoming a more confident person isn’t just about what you do—it’s also about what you say, especially to yourself.

The phrases you repeat can either reinforce your self-doubt or build your confidence.

By eliminating negative self-talk and replacing it with affirming, empowering language, you create a foundation for greater self-assurance and resilience.

Your words have power. They can build you up or tear you down. So choose them wisely. You’re stronger and more capable than you think!