8 phrases toxic friends love to use, according to psychology

Have you ever walked away from a friend feeling strangely drained or questioning your own decisions?

Sometimes, the most toxic influences in our lives aren’t obvious—they’re wrapped in friendly smiles and subtle words that seem harmless on the surface.

Toxic friends don’t only reveal their true colors through what they do, but also what they say, slipping in phrases that chip away at your confidence and well-being.

In this article, we’ll dive into eight common phrases toxic friends love to use and uncover the psychological tactics behind them.

If any of these sound familiar, it might be time to take a closer look at the impact this friendship is having on your life.

1) “You’re too sensitive”

This is a classic phrase loved by toxic friends. They use it as a way to belittle your feelings and dismiss your concerns. It’s a form of gaslighting, where they try to make you question your own feelings and perceptions.

For example, if you express hurt over something they’ve said or done, they might respond with, “You’re too sensitive” or “You’re overreacting”.

This not only invalidates your feelings, but also shifts the blame onto you, making you feel guilty for expressing your feelings.

This phrase is a powerful manipulation tool.

It makes you feel as if there’s something wrong with you for being upset or hurt. In turn, you may start suppressing your emotions or doubting your own judgment to avoid being labeled as ‘too sensitive’.

2) “I’m just being honest”

This one might seem like a positive trait at first. Isn’t honesty a good thing, after all?

But toxic friends have a way of twisting it into something harmful.

When a friend uses the phrase “I’m just being honest”, it’s often followed by an unnecessarily harsh or hurtful comment. They use this as a cover, a way to justify their unkind words under the guise of honesty.

In reality, it’s not about honesty, but about making you feel inferior or insecure. It’s a form of subtle bullying, aimed at undermining your self-confidence.

Yes, honesty is important in any relationship. But there’s a fine line between being honest and being brutally hurtful.

A good friend should be able to communicate honestly without resorting to personal attacks or harsh criticism.

3) “Don’t take this the wrong way”

This phrase is often used as a preface to a negative or insulting statement.

It’s a psychological technique known as priming, where an individual attempts to influence another’s response by introducing certain ideas beforehand.

When a toxic friend uses the phrase “Don’t take this the wrong way”, they’re essentially trying to control your reaction before they deliver their potentially hurtful comment.

They’re hoping that by telling you not to be offended, you’ll be less likely to take offense when they say something inappropriate or unkind.

The truth is, it’s not really about how you’re taking it, but about what they’re saying. If someone feels the need to preface their words with this phrase, it’s often because they know their comment is likely to cause offense or hurt.

A genuinely caring friend would find more tactful ways to express their thoughts without causing unnecessary harm.

4) “You wouldn’t understand”

This phrase can make you feel left out and disconnected. It’s often used by toxic friends to shut down communication and keep you at a distance.

When a friend tells you “You wouldn’t understand”, they’re essentially saying that your feelings, thoughts, and experiences aren’t valid or important enough to be considered. It can make you feel like you’re not enough, like you’re insufficient in some way.

However, everyone has unique experiences and perspectives. It’s okay if you don’t understand something right away.

A true friend would take the time to explain, to help you see their point of view, rather than shutting you out.

5) “If you were a real friend”

This phrase may hit close to home for many of us. Toxic friends often use it as a manipulation tactic to get you to do something they want.

When someone says, “If you were a real friend, you would…” they’re essentially questioning your loyalty and commitment to the friendship. It’s a way to make you feel guilty and obligated to comply with their request.

The reality is, being a good friend doesn’t mean bending over backward to please someone else at the cost of your own well-being or values.

A true friendship is based on mutual respect and understanding, not guilt trips and manipulation.

Don’t let anyone use your friendship as leverage. Stand firm in your values and don’t let their words sway you into doing something you’re uncomfortable with.

6) “It’s all your fault”

This phrase is a classic example of blame-shifting, a common trait in toxic friendships.

I once had a friend who would always use this phrase whenever something went wrong, even if it was clearly not related to me.

For instance, we once missed a movie because she arrived late to pick me up.

Instead of taking responsibility for her tardiness, she blamed me, saying it was my fault because I chose a movie with an inconvenient showtime.

This is a manipulative tactic designed to make you feel guilty and question your actions, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.

It’s important to remember that everyone is responsible for their own actions and decisions. You’re not responsible for someone else’s mistakes or shortcomings.

7) “I don’t need you”

This is a harsh phrase that no one deserves to hear, especially from a friend. It’s often thrown around by toxic friends as a way to belittle you and make themselves feel superior.

If someone tells you they don’t need you, it’s crucial to remember that this says more about them than it does about you. It’s a reflection of their insecurities and fear of vulnerability, not your worth as a friend.

You deserve to be in friendships where you’re valued and appreciated, not dismissed or taken for granted.  You’re worth more than that, and there are people out there who will recognize and celebrate your worth.

8) “I’m always right”

This phrase can be one of the most challenging to deal with.

Toxic friends who believe they’re always right are often rigid in their thinking and unwilling to consider other perspectives.

Being in a friendship with someone who always needs to be right can be exhausting and leave little room for healthy dialogue or growth.

But here’s the truth No one is always right. It’s human to make mistakes and have flaws. What matters most is our willingness to learn, grow, and respect others’ viewpoints.

So if you have a friend who constantly insists they’re always right, it’s a clear red flag.

A true friendship thrives on mutual respect, open conversation, and the understanding that we all have something to learn from each other.

Conclusion

Friendships are meant to be sources of support, joy, and mutual respect, not doubt, guilt, or insecurity.

If these phrases feel uncomfortably familiar, it might be time to address the dynamic honestly—whether that means setting boundaries, having an open conversation, or even walking away.

The people you surround yourself with should lift you up, not weigh you down. True friends encourage your growth and happiness, while toxic ones keep you tethered to doubt and negativity.

Choosing to prioritize healthier, more positive relationships is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.