Love is one of those things we all say we want, but let’s be honest—sometimes it’s hard to let it in.
I’ve noticed that even the people who seem the most put-together can have a tough time accepting love.
Maybe it’s that friend who brushes off every compliment or the one who insists on handling everything alone.
I’ve seen it in myself and in others, and it’s made me realize that these small habits often hide a deeper struggle.
So, in this article, I want to share nine behaviors I’ve seen in people who have a hard time embracing love. As you read through, maybe you’ll recognize some of these signs in others—or maybe even in yourself.
1) Difficulty accepting compliments
Have you ever noticed how some people brush off compliments?
It’s a common trait among those who struggle to receive love.
They might dismiss the compliment, change the subject, or turn it into a self-deprecating joke.
This reaction often stems from a deep-seated belief that they’re not deserving of praise.
And it’s different from just modesty or humility.
It’s a subtle sign that they’re uncomfortable with positive attention and affirmation.
If you spot this behavior in someone, it might indicate that they have a hard time accepting love from others.
2) Overly independent
I’ll never forget my friend, let’s call her Anna. Anna was the type of person who insisted on doing everything herself.
From changing a tire to planning a trip, Anna would always decline offers for help, even when she clearly needed it.
“I’ve got it,” she’d insist, with a stubbornness that always seemed out of place.
Over time, I realized that Anna’s fierce independence was her way of keeping people at arm’s length.
By doing everything herself, she could avoid feeling vulnerable or reliant on others – both key aspects of accepting love.
Anna’s behavior is a classic example of how some people struggle to let love in.
They become overly self-reliant, creating a barrier that can keep emotional intimacy at bay.
If you know someone who always insists on doing things themselves, it might be a sign they have difficulty accepting love from others.
3) Constant self-sacrifice
People who struggle with receiving love often show a pattern of constant self-sacrifice.
These individuals regularly put the needs of others before their own, to the point of detriment.
Whether it’s giving up their personal time, resources, or even health, they seem to go above and beyond for others.
While altruism is generally seen as a positive trait, this extreme form of selflessness can indicate a difficulty in accepting love.
The constant sacrifice can be a way of earning affection or approval, suggesting that they don’t believe they’re worthy of love without giving something in return.
Interestingly, a study published in Personality and Individual Differences offers a fresh perspective on this behavior through the concept of “others-centeredness.”
According to the study, others-centered individuals prioritize others’ interests because they place a high value on interpersonal relationships.
However, there’s a key distinction between healthy others-centeredness and the type of self-sacrifice that stems from a lack of self-worth.
The researchers point out that true others-centeredness involves a balanced, mutually-beneficial approach, unlike the self-sacrifice driven by a deep-seated belief that one must earn love through constant giving.
So if you notice someone constantly sacrificing themselves for others, it might be more than just generosity.
It could be a sign of their struggle to receive and accept love, especially if their self-worth is tied to how much they give to others.
4) Fear of intimacy
Intimacy can be daunting for some people, especially for those who struggle to accept love.
And it’s not just physical closeness.
Emotional intimacy can be even scarier, as it involves opening up, being vulnerable, and letting someone else in. For those who struggle with love, this can seem overwhelming.
Fear of intimacy can manifest in many different ways.
People who struggle with such fear might avoid deep conversations, shy away from sharing personal experiences, or keep their emotions to themselves.
These are all ways to maintain a safe distance and avoid the potential pain that intimacy can bring.
Spotting this behavior can give you insight into their struggle.
Try to not force them to open up. Creating a safe space where they feel comfortable to express themselves could be much more effective in such situations.
5) Difficulty expressing emotions
One of the most common signs of struggling to accept love is having difficulty expressing emotions.
Those who find it hard to receive love often grapple with sharing their feelings.
They might seem distant, aloof, or simply indifferent. But beneath that exterior, there’s often a whirlwind of emotions they’re trying to manage.
Expressing emotions requires vulnerability, something that can feel too risky for those who struggle with love.
They might fear that revealing their true feelings will lead to rejection or hurt.
So if you notice someone who rarely talks about how they feel, or who seems uncomfortable when emotions come into play, they might be struggling to accept love.
6) Always expecting the worst
There’s a heartbreaking trait that’s common among those who struggle to accept love – always expecting the worst.
These individuals often anticipate disappointment or betrayal in their relationships.
They fear that the people who care about them will eventually let them down, so they prepare themselves for the inevitable heartbreak.
This phenomenon is known by the psychologists as anticipatory anxiety.
This defensive mechanism is a way to protect themselves from potential pain.
By expecting the worst, they believe they can lessen the blow when it happens.
It’s a painful way to live, always anticipating disappointment in those who show them love.
If you notice this trait in someone, understand that their fear is real to them.
Be patient, be consistent, and show them through your actions that love doesn’t always lead to disappointment.
7) Difficulty trusting others
Trust is a cornerstone of any relationship. But for those struggling to accept love, trust can feel like an insurmountable hurdle.
I remember when I first realized that I had issues with trust.
I questioned people’s intentions, even when they had proven themselves reliable time and time again.
I’d find myself doubting their sincerity, second-guessing their actions, and constantly looking for hidden motives.
Looking back, I realize that this lack of trust was really about my struggle to accept love.
I couldn’t believe that someone would genuinely care for me without wanting something in return.
If you see someone who is always suspicious or reluctant to trust others, it could be a sign they struggle with receiving love.
8) Over-apologizing
Over-apologizing is another subtle behavior often displayed by those who struggle to receive love.
These individuals have a tendency to say “sorry” for everything, even when it’s not their fault or there’s nothing to apologize for.
They might feel like they’re constantly doing something wrong and that they need to make amends.
This constant need to apologize can stem from a feeling of unworthiness.
They may believe they are always in the wrong and that they don’t deserve love or kindness.
So if someone is always quick to apologize, it might be a sign they’re struggling to accept love.
9) Pushing people away
The most challenging behavior to witness in someone who struggles to accept love is their tendency to push people away.
They may do this subtly, like being “too busy” to spend time with others, or more directly, by picking fights or creating drama.
It’s their way of creating a safe distance between themselves and the potential pain that love can bring.
This behavior is often a defense mechanism.
By pushing people away, they’re attempting to protect themselves from the vulnerability that comes with love.
If you notice someone exhibiting this behavior, it’s crucial to remember that they aren’t necessarily trying to hurt you or others.
They’re likely trying to protect themselves from a pain they’ve experienced before.
Patience, understanding, and consistent reassurance can go a long way in helping them navigate their struggle with accepting love.
Final thoughts
In my experience, accepting love is one of those things that sounds simple but can feel incredibly hard, especially when you’ve spent years building walls around your heart.
It’s not something you can force on someone, and it’s definitely not something you can rush in yourself.
Love, real love, often asks us to be vulnerable, and that’s terrifying for so many of us. I know it has been for me.
I’ve come to see that the moments when I’ve allowed myself to be open, when I’ve stopped trying to protect myself from the risk of being hurt, that’s when I’ve really started to grow.
If you see any of these behaviors in yourself, I hope you can find it in you to be gentle with yourself.
It’s okay to take your time when it comes to love. It’s okay to be scared.
Just know that in opening up to love, you’re also opening up to a fuller, richer life. And that’s something truly worth the effort.
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