People who grew up with very little affection tend to develop these 10 traits later in life (according to psychology)

Growing up with very little affection can significantly shape a person’s character. It’s not always easy, and it comes with its own unique set of challenges.

According to psychology, these experiences can lead to the development of certain traits later in life. It’s not about labeling or making assumptions, but understanding the impact of our early years on our adult lives.

This is something I see regularly in my work – the footprints of a childhood lacking in warmth and care. And I’ve identified 10 common traits that seem to manifest in those who’ve had such upbringing.

Lt’s dive into these traits, not to judge or stereotype, but to understand and empathize with those who might have walked this tough path. Here are the 10 traits people often develop if they grew up with very little affection.

1) Increased independence

Those who’ve grown up with minimal affection often learn to rely heavily on themselves. This increased independence can be both a strength and a challenge.

For some, their self-reliance translates into impressive resilience and problem-solving skills. They’ve had to navigate life’s ups and downs largely on their own, and this has honed their ability to adapt and persevere.

However, this heightened independence can also lead to difficulty in forming and maintaining relationships. They may struggle with trust, often defaulting to handling things alone rather than reaching out for help or support.

This isn’t necessarily a negative trait; it’s just a different way of interacting with the world – one that’s been shaped by their early experiences. And understanding this can help us build more empathetic and supportive relationships with those who’ve grown up in this way.

2) Difficulty expressing emotions

I’ve noticed this trait in my own life. Growing up, affection was in short supply in my household. Emotions, particularly those that were seen as ‘negative’, were often dismissed or ignored.

As an adult, I found myself struggling to express my emotions openly. I became adept at keeping my feelings hidden, even from those closest to me. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel deeply – quite the opposite – but expressing those feelings felt risky and uncomfortable.

Psychotherapy helped me realize this was a coping mechanism I’d developed as a child. It was a way to protect myself in an environment where emotional vulnerability wasn’t safe.

Understanding this has been key to my personal growth. It’s allowed me to work on opening up more, sharing my feelings with trusted friends and loved ones, and recognizing the value in emotional expression.

It’s a journey, but it’s one worth taking. And for those who also struggle with this trait, know that it’s okay to seek help and take steps towards healthier emotional communication.

3) Hyper-awareness of others’ feelings

Interestingly, those who grew up with little affection often develop an acute sense of empathy. They become incredibly attuned to the emotions and needs of the people around them.

This sensitivity may stem from their childhood experiences. In order to navigate their environment, they had to become adept at picking up on subtle cues and changes in mood. They learned to anticipate the needs of others, often before those needs were even expressed.

While this hyper-awareness can be exhausting, it also equips them with a powerful tool for understanding and connecting with others. They’re often the friends who seem to just ‘get it’, who know just what to say or do to make you feel seen and understood.

However, it’s important for them to remember to take care of their own emotional needs as well, and not get lost in catering to others. It’s a delicate balance, but one that can be achieved with practice and self-awareness.

4) High levels of self-criticism

Individuals who grew up with very little affection often develop a critical internal voice. This self-criticism can manifest in many areas of their lives, from their work performance to their personal relationships.

This trait may stem from an internalized belief that they’re not worthy of love and affection. They may have learned to associate love with performance, believing they need to earn affection through achievements or perfect behavior.

This internal critical voice can be harsh and relentless, often leading to feelings of anxiety and low self-esteem. However, with the help of therapy and self-reflection, it’s possible to challenge these negative thought patterns and foster a more compassionate relationship with oneself.

5) Tendency to avoid conflict

People who grew up with very little affection often go to great lengths to avoid conflict. The thought of arguments or disagreements can trigger a fear response based on their childhood experiences.

This avoidance isn’t about being agreeable or easygoing; it’s often rooted in a deeply ingrained fear of rejection or abandonment. They may worry that any disagreement could lead to them losing their relationships, so they choose to stay silent or suppress their feelings instead.

While it’s important to pick our battles, it’s equally important to feel secure enough in our relationships to express our feelings and needs. Avoiding conflict at all costs can lead to resentment and unexpressed emotions. It’s okay to disagree, and it’s okay to assert yourself. Healthy relationships can weather disagreements and grow from them.

6) Craving for connection

Deep down, those who grew up without much affection often harbor a profound craving for connection. They yearn for the warmth, closeness, and understanding they didn’t receive in their early years.

This longing can translate into a tireless search for meaningful relationships and connections. They may have a deep-seated desire to feel wanted, loved, and valued – feelings they missed out on during their formative years.

But this journey isn’t without its hurdles. They might struggle with trust issues or fear of rejection, which can make forming close relationships challenging. Yet, it’s important to remember that everyone deserves love and connection.

We all have the capacity to heal from our past and forge meaningful connections. It takes courage, patience, and often professional help – but it is possible, and it’s worth it.

7) Overachiever tendencies

In my early twenties, I found myself constantly striving for perfection. Whether it was academic, professional, or even social success, I was always pushing myself to achieve more.

This drive wasn’t fueled by passion or ambition alone. It was largely a quest for validation, a way to prove my worth and hopefully, earn the affection I craved.

This is a common trait among those who grew up with little affection. We often equate achievement with worthiness, believing that if we just do well enough or achieve enough, we’ll finally be deserving of love.

However, it’s important to understand that your worth isn’t determined by your achievements. You are deserving of love and affection just as you are. It took me a while to truly grasp this, but it’s been one of the most liberating realizations of my life.

8) Self-sufficiency to the extreme

At first glance, being self-sufficient might seem like an admirable quality. And it is, to an extent. But for those who grew up with little affection, this self-sufficiency can sometimes reach unhealthy levels.

They might find it extremely difficult to ask for help, even when they desperately need it. They’ve learned to rely so heavily on themselves that reaching out to others feels almost foreign.

This might seem like an asset – being able to handle everything on your own. But we’re social creatures by nature. We’re not meant to navigate life entirely alone. There’s strength in knowing when to ask for help and allowing others to support us.

Learning to lean on others doesn’t mean you’re weak or incapable; it simply means you’re human. And that’s perfectly okay.

9) Overly guarded with personal information

People who didn’t receive much affection in their childhood often tend to be overly guarded with their personal information. They might hesitate to open up about their feelings, experiences, or details of their personal life.

This guarded nature usually stems from a place of self-protection. They’ve learned to keep their walls up as a defense mechanism against potential hurt or rejection.

While it’s okay to have boundaries and keep certain things private, being overly guarded can hinder the formation of deep, meaningful relationships. It’s a fine line to walk, but with time and trust, it’s possible to gradually let those walls down and allow others in.

10) Resilience in the face of adversity

Perhaps the most significant trait developed by those who grew up with little affection is resilience. They’ve weathered tough times, faced emotional hardships, and yet, they’ve managed to push through.

This resilience is a testament to their strength and determination. It speaks volumes about their ability to adapt and survive, even when the odds are stacked against them.

But it’s important to remember that just because they can endure, doesn’t mean they always should. Everyone deserves love, care, and support. Everyone deserves to thrive, not just survive.

Resilience is a powerful trait, but it doesn’t replace the need for affection and emotional connection. It’s not a justification for neglect or emotional deprivation. It’s a testament to their strength, but it’s also a reminder of what they’ve had to overcome.