Parents who raise emotionally strong kids avoid these 7 damaging phrases (you should, too)

Imagine a parent scolding their child, saying, “You’re overreacting” or “Stop crying.”

It seems harmless, but these statements can send messages that a child’s feelings are invalid or unimportant.

Kids who grow up to be emotionally resilient, however, are often raised in environments where their emotions are respected and validated.

Experts have identified several phrases that parents should avoid to nurture a child’s mental well-being and self-esteem.

Simple changes in language can empower kids to manage their emotions better, leading to a stronger sense of self-worth and resilience in the long run.

So without further ado, let’s dive in:

1) “You’re being too sensitive”

How many times have you heard this phrase growing up? I know I have.

Telling a child they’re being “too sensitive” is a common reaction when they express strong emotions or reactions.

But here’s the kicker—it can be really damaging.

This phrase invalidates a child’s feelings, telling them that their emotional reaction is wrong or exaggerated.

It sends a message that their feelings are not valid or important.

And what does this do?

It teaches children to suppress their emotions, to hide them away because they’re ‘too much’.

This can harm their emotional strength in the long run, making it difficult for them to express and handle emotions in a healthy way as they grow older.

So what should you say instead?

Try acknowledging their feelings. “I can see you’re really upset about this”, or “It’s okay to feel sad”.

This validates their emotions and helps them understand that it’s okay to feel and express themselves, strengthening their emotional resilience.

2) “I’m disappointed in you”

I still remember it like it was yesterday. I was ten years old, and I’d just gotten my first ‘C’ on a math test.

And let me tell you, math was never my strong suit.

When I got home and showed my parents, I heard the phrase that would stick with me for years – “We’re disappointed in you.”

Those words hurt, more than any ‘C’ ever could.

It made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, that I had failed not just a test, but my parents as well.

This phrase, however well-intentioned, can cause children to equate their worth or their parents’ love with their achievements.

It puts unnecessary pressure on them to always be perfect, to avoid disappointing their parents.

Instead of expressing disappointment in your child, try focusing on the behavior or action that led to the result.

Something like, “I see you didn’t do as well as you hoped on this test. What do you think went wrong?”

This invites conversation and problem-solving rather than making them feel like they’ve let you down.

3) “Stop crying, it’s not a big deal”

Isn’t it strange how society teaches us to suppress our tears? Especially for boys.

We’ve been fed this narrative that crying equals weakness when in reality, it’s a natural emotional response.

I remember once, I scraped my knee pretty badly playing in the park.

It stung like crazy. I was about to burst into tears when an older kid said, “Don’t cry, it’s not a big deal.”

I held back the tears. But the pain wasn’t just physical anymore.

I felt humiliated, belittled. Like my pain wasn’t valid.

Telling a child to stop crying invalidates their feelings and teaches them to bottle up their emotions.

It’s like saying their pain—physical or emotional—isn’t significant enough to warrant tears.

Instead, we should be teaching our kids that it’s okay to cry, that it’s okay to show emotion.

Because let’s face it—we all have moments when we need a good cry to let out our feelings.

So next time your child is on the verge of tears, try offering comfort instead of dismissal.

Say something like, “I see that you’re upset, and that’s okay. Let’s figure out what’s wrong together.”

This shows them that their feelings are valid and that they can count on you for emotional support—both key in raising emotionally strong kids.

4) “Why can’t you be more like your sibling?”

Sibling rivalry is as old as time itself.

And as a parent, it can be tempting to compare one child to another, especially when you’re trying to inspire better behavior.

But here’s the thing – it rarely works.

I remember being compared to my little brother, the ‘golden child’.

Everything he did was perfect, and everything I did was… well, not as good.

Each time I heard “Why can’t you be more like your brother?”, it felt like a punch in the gut.

It made me feel less than, not good enough, constantly living in my brother’s shadow.

The truth is, comparisons can breed resentment and damage a child’s self-esteem.

It sends a message that they are not enough just as they are, that they have to change to be loved or accepted.

Instead of comparing your children to each other, try recognizing their unique talents and strengths. Let them know you appreciate them for who they are.

5) “You always…” or “You never…”

Did you know that our brains are wired to focus on negative experiences more than positive ones?

It’s a phenomenon psychologists call the ‘negativity bias’.

And it can have a big impact on how kids perceive themselves, especially when they hear phrases like “You always forget your homework” or “You never listen to me”.

These phrases can make children feel like they’re constantly messing up, that they’re incapable of change.

It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. If they hear it enough times, they start to believe it and act accordingly.

What’s more, these phrases are usually an exaggeration.

Let’s be honest, nobody ‘always’ or ‘never’ does something.

Instead of using these absolutes, try addressing the specific behavior and express your feelings about it.

For example, “I noticed you forgot your homework today, which made things a bit stressful.

Can we think of a way to help you remember?”

This approach tackles the issue without attacking the child’s character, and encourages problem-solving and growth—both critical for nurturing emotional strength.

6) “We’ll talk about this later”

Life can get hectic. We’ve all been there.

You’re rushing to finish a work report or trying to get dinner on the table, and your child comes up to you with a problem.

It’s tempting to say, “We’ll talk about this later.”

But let’s take a moment.

When we push our children’s concerns aside, we’re inadvertently telling them that their problems aren’t important or urgent enough for our time.

I’m not saying drop everything each time your child has an issue.

That’s not feasible. But a simple acknowledgment can make a world of difference.

Instead of brushing them off, try saying something like, “I can see this is really important to you. Give me 10 minutes to finish what I’m doing, and then we can sit down and talk about it.”

7) “Because I said so”

This is a classic, one that most of us have heard at some point in our childhood. “Because I said so” is often the final word in any parent-child negotiation.

But while it might be an easy way to end a discussion, it’s not the most beneficial one.

This phrase can stifle a child’s curiosity and undermine their ability to understand the ‘why’ behind rules or decisions.

It can also make them feel dismissed or undervalued.

Let’s change that narrative.

Try explaining your reasons in a way your child can understand.

For example, instead of saying “Don’t touch the stove because I said so,” you could say, “Don’t touch the stove because it’s very hot and could hurt you.”

Time for a change

Seeing these phrases laid out can be a bit of a reality check.

But remember, no parent is perfect. We all have our moments of frustration and slip-ups.

What matters is the willingness to grow and to do better for our children’s sake.

Raising emotionally strong kids doesn’t mean never making mistakes.

It means learning from those mistakes, acknowledging them, and working to improve.

So take this as an opportunity to reflect. Have you used these phrases before?

How did they impact your child? How can you communicate more effectively in the future?

Words are powerful. They can either build up or break down.

But with awareness and conscious effort, we can choose to use them to nurture our children’s emotional strength.