5 myths about happiness that make it so elusive

Ever heard the saying, “Happiness is a choice”?

While it sounds appealing, I’ve found that this idea oversimplifies the complexity of our emotions and human experience.

It’s one of many misconceptions about happiness that can leave us chasing an elusive ideal instead of cultivating genuine joy.

The truth is, happiness isn’t a one-size-fits-all concept. It’s a deeply personal and subjective experience that varies from person to person.

And yet, we often find ourselves striving for a universal definition of happiness, only to feel disillusioned when it slips through our fingers.

In this article, we’ll delve into five common misunderstandings about happiness that can actually make it harder to achieve.

By debunking these myths, we can start to shift our perspective and create more space for authentic joy in our lives. So let’s dive right in, shall we?

1) Happiness is not a constant state

Here’s a hard pill to swallow: Happiness is not a constant state.

We often believe that once we achieve happiness, it will stick around forever. We think that if we can get that promotion, find the perfect partner, or buy that dream house, we’ll be happy for good.

But life isn’t static, and neither are our emotions. Happiness ebbs and flows, just like every other aspect of our lives. It’s normal to have periods of joy interspersed with moments of sadness, frustration, or boredom.

Psychosocial Rehabilitation Specialist Kendra Cherry put it well in a recent post on Very Well Mind:

“Happiness is an overall sense of experiencing more positive emotions than negative ones. Happy people still feel the whole range of human emotions—anger, frustration, boredom, loneliness, and even sadness—from time to time.”

The key is not to cling to happiness as if it’s a permanent state, but rather to embrace the full range of our human emotions.

This acceptance allows us to experience life more fully and authentically. It’s in riding these waves of emotions where we truly grow, learn, and ultimately, find a deeper sense of fulfillment.

2) Happiness isn’t tied to financial wealth

Let’s debunk another myth: The more money you have, the happier you’ll be.

I’ve seen this misconception play out in my own life. Years ago, I found myself in a high-paying job that looked impressive on the outside. But despite the financial rewards, I felt unfulfilled and disconnected from my true self.

I realized that my happiness wasn’t tied to the size of my paycheck, but rather to how closely my life aligned with my deepest values.

So, I decided to make a change. I left my high-paying job and founded Ideapod and The Vessel, ventures aimed at empowering individuals to live more authentically.

These experiences taught me that while money can provide comfort and security, it’s not a guaranteed ticket to happiness.

True joy comes from living in alignment with your values, pursuing your passions, and making a positive impact on the world.

It’s about recognizing the importance of creativity, personal growth, and authentic relationships in fostering genuine happiness.

3) Achieving your goals won’t necessarily make you happy

This is a big one.

We often create a mental checklist of things we need to achieve in order to be happy. Get that degree, land that job, start a family, lose that weight… The list goes on.

But what happens when we tick off these boxes and still don’t find the happiness we anticipated?

The truth is, happiness isn’t at the finish line of our achievements. It’s found in the journey.

The struggles, the growth, the lessons learned along the way – these are the experiences that shape us and bring us real joy.

So, instead of investing all our hopes of happiness in future achievements, let’s focus on embracing the present moment with all its imperfections.

Let’s celebrate our progress, no matter how small, and find joy in the journey towards our goals.

4) Happiness is not something to be pursued

Here’s an insight that might surprise you: Researchers of a 2018 study found that those who pursue happiness paradoxically feel unhappy!

The reality is that happiness is more like a byproduct of living a life aligned with our values and passions rather than a goal to be chased.

This misconception can lead us to constantly chase external markers of success, thinking they’ll bring us closer to happiness.

But in the process, we neglect our inner selves and miss out on the simple joys of everyday life.

In my video below, I delve deeper into this paradox and explain why chasing happiness can actually make you miserable.

If you found this video useful and want to learn more about my philosophy of living with purpose and freedom, feel free to explore further here.

5) Happiness doesn’t always feel good

Here’s an uncomfortable truth: Happiness doesn’t always feel good.

We’ve been conditioned to associate happiness with feelings of pleasure, joy, or excitement. But true happiness often involves experiences that don’t feel good in the moment.

Think about the last time you faced a challenging situation. Maybe you had to confront a fear, make a difficult decision, or endure a period of discomfort.

It probably didn’t feel great at the moment. But in hindsight, you might recognize that these experiences led to personal growth and a deeper sense of fulfillment.

This is because true happiness is about more than just feeling good all the time. It’s about living authentically, embracing our full range of emotions, and facing life’s challenges head-on.

It’s about recognizing that even our most difficult experiences can be opportunities for growth and transformation.

Embracing the full spectrum of happiness

If you find yourself relating to these myths, it’s likely you’ve been viewing happiness through a narrow lens.

But here’s the silver lining: your perspective on happiness is not set in stone. It can evolve and deepen.

With self-awareness and a willingness to confront these misconceptions, we can move towards a more nuanced understanding of happiness.

The key lies in embracing the full spectrum of our human experience – the pleasures and the pains, the successes and failures, and the connections and solitude.

Start by reflecting on how these myths have influenced your perceptions and pursuit of happiness. Notice when you’re chasing an unattainable ideal or suppressing negative emotions.

Pay attention to when you’re conflating happiness with constant pleasure or perfection.

Once you become aware of these patterns, it becomes easier to challenge them in real-time.

This change won’t happen overnight. Shifting deep-seated beliefs is a process. But with consistent self-reflection, you can steadily move towards a more authentic and fulfilling experience of happiness.