If you can stay calm in these 9 situations, you have better emotional control than the average person

Staying calm is a skill that isn’t always celebrated in a big, flashy way.

But in my experience as a relationship counselor, it’s often the quiet superpower that keeps our personal and professional lives from spiraling.

Emotional control doesn’t mean you never get frustrated or that you never react—it’s more about using that moment between a trigger and your response to choose how you want to handle things.

I’ve worked with countless individuals who thought they had it together, only to realize one tough situation could flip their mood upside down.

Most of us can keep our composure when life is running smoothly, but the real test is how we deal with curveballs.

If you can stay calm during the following six scenarios, odds are you’re ahead of the curve when it comes to emotional resilience.

1) When a loved one is lashing out

It’s no secret that those closest to us know exactly how to push our buttons.

Whether it’s a partner, child, or parent, a heated outburst from someone we love has a way of hitting harder than any boardroom showdown.

I’ve seen this firsthand in couples I’ve counseled.

One partner says something hurtful, and the other feels a natural urge to strike back or shut down. But in those moments, responding calmly can prevent further escalation and might even invite a more honest conversation once the dust settles.

This act of staying grounded often starts with a deep breath.

Sometimes it means letting them finish their piece without interrupting.

Or it might mean stating firmly but gently, “I hear you, but I need a moment to process before I respond.”

People who manage that?

They’re working with stronger emotional control than most.

2) When technology fails at the worst time

Ever had your computer crash right before a deadline? Or lost your internet connection during a crucial video call? These moments can be maddening.

One minute you’re on a roll, the next you’re staring at a frozen screen, resisting the urge to toss your laptop out the nearest window.

From what I’ve noticed in my own work (especially during those back-to-back remote sessions), staying calm in tech-related emergencies is a game-changer.

You think clearer, troubleshoot quicker, and can pivot to Plan B without having a total meltdown.

The pros over at Verywell Mind back this up, saying that stress in the moment often clouds our ability to think rationally.

That moment of “Stop, breathe, reevaluate” will help you minimize the damage and maybe even find a creative solution.

Getting angry won’t bring the Wi-Fi back, but calmly examining your next best step just might salvage your day.

3) When you’re confronted in public

There’s nothing quite like being called out in front of an audience—whether it’s at a staff meeting, a social event, or even on social media.

A public confrontation can leave you feeling cornered or humiliated.

Your heart races, and your first instinct might be to lash out or make a sarcastic remark to save face.

Daniel Goleman, who wrote extensively on emotional intelligence, pointed out that “If you are tuned out of your own emotions, you will be poor at reading them in other people.”

Staying calm in a public showdown isn’t just about saving yourself from embarrassment; it’s also about tuning into the other person’s emotional state and recognizing what might be driving their behavior.

The folks at Healthline stand behind this, noting that using simple grounding techniques (like clenching and relaxing your fists or focusing on your breath) can help you maintain composure in that stressful moment.

A balanced response, free of panic or defensive anger, showcases a level of emotional strength that not everyone can boast.

4) When you have to wait (and wait, and wait)

Waiting in line at the DMV, sitting in traffic, or enduring a delayed flight—these are everyday tests of patience. It sounds minor, but watch how some people completely lose their cool in these scenarios.

There’s something about wasted time that grates on us all.

I used to be that person tapping my foot impatiently in the grocery store queue, checking my watch every five seconds.

Then I realized letting frustration boil over didn’t make the line move any faster and left me feeling miserable.

Michelle Obama offered a perspective that resonates: “You can’t make decisions based on fear and the possibility of what might happen.”

Instead of fear, you could insert “anger” or “frustration.” If we let those feelings control us during life’s mundane hold-ups, we let these small moments ruin our day.

On the flip side, those who can adopt a calm acceptance during such delays actually reclaim power—because they decide how they’ll feel, regardless of the circumstances.

5) When you receive harsh feedback

Whether it’s from a boss, a friend, or a family member, criticism has a way of striking at our sense of self.

I’ve counseled numerous professionals who admit they can handle tough projects or deadlines just fine, but one scathing performance review sends them into a tailspin.

You might have read my post on navigating workplace dynamics, where I discussed how a calm, open-minded approach to feedback can set you apart from peers who get defensive.

That’s because calmly receiving critique signals a willingness to learn rather than a need to protect your ego.

Meanwhile, flipping out or ignoring the feedback entirely almost guarantees you miss that window of opportunity to improve.

The team at Psychology Today has highlighted that people who handle feedback well are more likely to build strong relationships and succeed in collaborative settings.

A calm approach when others point out your weaknesses might feel like a tall order, but it’s exactly what sets the emotionally strong apart.

6) When you’re blindsided by an emotional blow

This one probably deserved a higher spot on the list.

Moments of genuine shock—like sudden news of job loss, a breakup, or a personal crisis—test your emotional regulation in a way that everyday stressors can’t compare to.

I’ve seen individuals break down in tears, lash out in anger, or completely retreat from their loved ones when faced with life-altering events. And I want to be clear: there’s no shame in feeling sadness or shock.

But when we talk about “staying calm,” we’re talking about not letting those big emotions push you into impulsive decisions or unhealthy coping behaviors.

Maya Angelou famously wrote, “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”

That choice—refusing to be reduced—often begins with a calm mindset that says, “Yes, this is devastating, but how do I navigate this in a healthy way?”

Emotional maturity in crisis isn’t about faking a smile; it’s about slowing down, acknowledging your feelings, and making sure your next move is measured rather than frantic.

Final thoughts

Keeping your cool when everyone else is losing theirs is a quiet form of power.

It doesn’t come with confetti or trophies, but it can transform not only your relationships and career but also your sense of self.

By practicing calm responses in these six situations, you show that you value thoughtful action over knee-jerk reactions.

And that sets a tone, for both your life and the people around you.

The journey toward emotional control is ongoing. I still catch myself clenching my jaw in a traffic jam or feeling a pang of hurt when someone criticizes me a bit too harshly.

But the difference now is that I recognize it’s happening, and I use the tools I’ve gained to bring myself back to center.

If you can do that, or even if you’re learning to do it a bit more each day, pat yourself on the back. You’re well on your way to outpacing the average person in emotional control.