Many people equate self-confidence with being loud, outgoing, and unapologetically self-assured.
They believe that confidence is about owning the room and asserting dominance.
I used to buy into this belief. I tried to project confidence by adopting these behaviors, thinking that if I could just seem more assertive, people would respect me more.
However, I’ve come to realize that true self-confidence isn’t about dominance or putting on a show.
It’s about authenticity, self-awareness, and alignment with our deepest values.
Here are seven behaviors you may need to say goodbye to if you want to start projecting genuine self-confidence.
1) Pretending to be someone you’re not
Trying to project an image of who we think we should be can be exhausting.
Often, we believe that in order to be confident, we need to emulate the behaviors and attitudes of people we perceive as confident.
This can lead us down a path of constant comparison and self-doubt.
I fell into this trap early in my career.
I tried to copy the mannerisms and styles of those I admired, thinking that their outward confidence would somehow rub off on me. I was wrong.
In reality, true self-confidence comes from being authentically ourselves.
It’s about being comfortable in our own skin, embracing our unique quirks and characteristics, and valuing our individuality.
Instead of trying to mimic others, focus on cultivating your own voice.
Let go of the mask and allow your true self to shine through.
Remember, your self-worth isn’t determined by how well you can imitate someone else’s confidence.
Be you. There’s nothing more genuinely confident than that.
2) Seeking validation from others
The need for external validation can be another serious obstacle to genuine self-confidence.
We often seek approval from others to confirm our self-worth, and we base our self-esteem on their feedback.
I used to depend heavily on what others thought of me. The fear of judgment or criticism could paralyze me.
It took time and a lot of introspection to understand that this was a misguided approach.
The truth is, confidence starts from within. It’s about knowing your worth and not needing anyone else to affirm it.
When you base your self-esteem on your own self-assessment, you become immune to the whims and opinions of others.
As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Stop seeking validation from others.
Instead, validate yourself. You are enough, just as you are.
3) Being trapped by societal expectations
One of the biggest barriers to self-confidence is conforming to societal norms and expectations.
Think about it — we’re often taught to fit into predefined roles and adhere to certain standards, aren’t we?
Eventually, this stifles our authenticity and discourages us from expressing our true selves.
For instance, I used to feel like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.
I followed the path that was expected of me, even though it didn’t align with my values or passions.
But I’ve learned that breaking free from societal expectations is key to fostering genuine self-confidence.
One resource that has been instrumental in my journey of self-discovery and authenticity is the “Free Your Mind” masterclass with shaman Rudá Iandê.
This enlightening journey helps you transcend limiting beliefs and societal conditioning, fostering greater authenticity and freedom in your life.
Through this masterclass, Rudá Iandê guides you through exercises that dismantle common myths in the spiritual world, encouraging a mindset shift from frustration and guilt to love and acceptance.
The goal is to align your thoughts and actions with personal values, leading to improved mental clarity and emotional resilience.
So go ahead, liberate yourself from societal expectations.
Join the Free Your Mind masterclass today and start your journey towards genuine self-confidence.
Break free from the mold, be authentically you, and let your confidence shine.
4) Neglecting your personal values
This is closely connected to my previous point.
Often, our lack of self-confidence stems from a disconnect between our actions and our core values.
We go through the motions, fulfilling obligations and meeting expectations, while neglecting what truly matters to us.
The thing is, when you ignore your personal values, you’re essentially ignoring who you really are.
It’s like living someone else’s life while yours gets pushed to the background.
Over time, this disconnect creates inner tension—it’s hard to feel confident in yourself when your actions don’t align with your beliefs.
Neglecting your values can show up in different ways, like:
- Staying in a job that doesn’t align with your passion
- Agreeing to things that go against your instincts
- Not making time for what’s meaningful to you
It might feel easier in the moment to just go with the flow, but the cost is steep: you lose touch with your authentic self.
Reconnecting with your values is one of the most powerful ways to rebuild self-confidence.
Take the time to reflect on what’s important to you, and then make choices that honor those priorities.
When your actions align with your values, you naturally feel more grounded and self-assured.
5) Allowing fear to control your actions
Fear can be a powerful deterrent. It has the capacity to paralyze us, keeping us from pursuing our true passions and expressing our authentic selves.
We often let fear dictate our actions, preventing us from taking risks or stepping out of our comfort zones.
In my journey, I’ve learned that fear is not an enemy but a guide.
It signals the areas in our lives where we need to grow and change.
Look, if something scares you, it’s probably because it matters to you.
Fear often shows up when we’re on the brink of something important—whether it’s chasing a dream, speaking up for ourselves, or trying something completely new.
But when you let fear take the wheel, it keeps you stuck in the same place, convincing you that staying safe is better than taking a chance.
The problem with letting fear control your actions is that it shrinks your world.
You start avoiding challenges, settling for less, and convincing yourself you’re “just being realistic.”
In reality, you’re just protecting yourself from discomfort—and that’s not how confidence is built.
Confidence grows when you face fear head-on, even if it’s messy and uncomfortable.
Next time fear pops up, don’t let it call the shots.
Take a small step forward, even if your heart is racing.
The more you act in spite of fear, the less power it has over you.
And as you keep showing up for yourself, that confidence you’re chasing will start showing up too.
6) Comparing yourself to others
In the age of social media, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others.
We see their highlight reels—their successes, their accomplishments, their perfect lives—and we feel inadequate in comparison.
I fell into this comparison trap early in my life.
It was a destructive cycle that only served to undermine my self-confidence.
Learning to stop comparing myself to others was a game-changer.
I started focusing on my own journey, my own progress, and my own successes. And my self-confidence soared.
So remember: Comparison is the thief of joy—and of self-confidence.
Focus on your own path, celebrate your individual accomplishments, and let go of the need to measure up to others.
7) Ignoring self-care
Self-confidence isn’t just about our mindset—it’s also tied to how we treat ourselves physically.
When we neglect our basic needs—like sleep, nutrition, and exercise—we’re sending ourselves a message that we’re not worth taking care of.
According to psychology, self-care is intrinsically linked to self-esteem and self-confidence.
I used to put my own needs last, prioritizing work and other obligations over my own health and well-being.
It took a toll on my self-confidence.
But when I started prioritizing self-care, I noticed a drastic improvement in my self-esteem.
Taking care of your body is a form of self-respect, and it sends a powerful message — both to yourself and to others — that you value yourself.
Embracing the journey to self-confidence
Cultivating genuine self-confidence starts with letting go of the habits that hold you back and embracing actions that align with your true self.
It’s not about perfection; it’s about progress—taking small, meaningful steps toward living authentically and unapologetically.
For those ready to dive deeper into the journey of personal growth and authenticity, I highly recommend the free “Free Your Mind” masterclass with Rudá Iandê.
This masterclass, which I have had the pleasure of helping produce, is designed to help you transcend limiting beliefs and societal conditioning.
Rudá Iandê guides participants through exercises that promote a mindset shift from frustration and guilt to love and acceptance.
This transformative journey fosters mental clarity and emotional resilience, aligning thoughts and actions with personal values.
So, if you’re ready to cultivate genuine self-confidence and live an authentic life, I invite you to take the next step on your journey.
Join the Free Your Mind masterclass today and start the process of embracing your true self with confidence.
Feeling stuck in self-doubt?
Stop trying to fix yourself and start embracing who you are. Join the free 7-day self-discovery challenge and learn how to transform negative emotions into personal growth.
