Becoming a gentler and kinder person as you age requires self-awareness and a willingness to let go of habits that may hinder compassion.
Certain behaviors, like reacting defensively or holding onto grudges, can create unnecessary distance between you and others.
Now, don’t worry! It’s not as daunting as it sounds—especially if you’re ready to say goodbye to these specific eight behaviors.
Stay with me as we dive into this transformative journey:
1) Impulsive reactions
Ever felt a rush of anger, frustration, or bitterness? I’m sure we all have.
These emotions are a part of life; they sweep in like a storm, sometimes without warning, and all you can do is brace yourself and ride it out.
But here’s the catch: While we can’t control our emotions, we can control our reactions to them—and this is where many of us falter.
Being quick to react, especially negatively, often results in hurt feelings or damaged relationships.
If anything, it’s like throwing fuel on a fire.
But don’t worry! It’s not an irreversible habit—in fact, letting go of impulsive reactions is the first step towards becoming a gentler and kinder person as you age.
With practice and self-awareness, you can replace these impulsive reactions with thoughtful responses and, trust me, the shift will be noticeable by you and everyone around you.
2) Holding on to grudges
We’ve all been hurt—trust me, I’ve been there too.
I remember when a close friend betrayed my trust. I was angry, hurt, and for the longest time, I held a grudge.
Every time I thought of them, bitterness welled up within me and it was like a wound that wouldn’t heal.
Over time, I realized something: The grudge wasn’t hurting them—it was hurting me.
I was carrying this weight around, letting it taint my mood and my outlook on life, and it wasn’t physically or emotionally healthy for me.
So, like anyone else, I let it go.
It wasn’t easy—and it didn’t happen overnight—because it took honesty, self-reflection, and a whole lot of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is about your peace of mind.
3) Negativity bias
Here’s something you may not know: Our brains are wired to pay more attention to negative experiences than positive ones.
This is a survival mechanism from our evolutionary past when we had to be constantly alert for threats, meaning we might focus more on that one rude comment someone made rather than the ten compliments we received.
Though it might be our default setting, it’s not set in stone.
With conscious effort, we can train our minds to focus more on the positive aspects of our lives and less on the negative.
Doing this can significantly improve our mood and overall outlook on life, making us gentler and kinder individuals.
Next time you find yourself dwelling on a negative experience, try to shift your focus to something positive that happened instead.
It could be as simple as enjoying a good cup of coffee or receiving a warm smile from a stranger.
4) Criticizing others
It’s easy to point out the flaws in others.
After all, nobody is perfect—but constantly criticizing others does more harm than you may realize.
Firstly, it creates a negative environment; people around you may start to feel uncomfortable or even attacked, causing tension and conflict.
Secondly, it reflects poorly on you; people might perceive you as bitter or mean-spirited, even if that’s not your intention.
Finally, it stops you from being a gentler and kinder person; each time you criticize someone else, you harden your own heart a little bit more.
But there’s an alternative: Constructive criticism.
If you feel the need to point out a flaw, do so in a way that’s helpful and encouraging rather than hurtful—this can foster growth rather than resentment.
Kindness begets kindness and the more understanding and gentle you are with others, the more likely they are to treat you the same way.
5) Overcomplicating things
I’ll be the first to admit: I used to overcomplicate things—whether it was a problem at work or a disagreement with a friend, I would dissect it from every angle, turning a molehill into a mountain.
Not only did this add unnecessary stress to my life, but it also prevented me from seeing the bigger picture.
Over time, I’ve learned to simplify—to take things at face value and not overthink every little detail.
And you know what? It’s made me a gentler person.
Overcomplicating things often leads to frustration and bitterness while, on the other hand, simplicity brings peace and kindness.
Take a step back, breathe, and try to see things from a simpler perspective.
6) Always saying “yes”
Being kind doesn’t mean always saying “yes”.
In fact, sometimes, the kindest thing you can do for yourself and others is to say “no”.
When we constantly agree to things we don’t want to do or commit to responsibilities we can’t handle, it leads to stress and resentment.
We might start feeling taken advantage of or overwhelmed, and this can make us less gentle and kind.
On the other hand, learning to say “no” when necessary allows us to set boundaries and prioritize our own well-being.
It creates room for us to be kinder to ourselves, which in turn enables us to be kinder to others.
Remember, it’s okay to say “no”.
It doesn’t make you a bad person—it makes you a self-aware one—and that’s a crucial step towards becoming gentler and kinder as you age.
7) Seeking perfection
Perfection is an illusion, yet so many of us spend countless hours striving for it.
We set unrealistic expectations for ourselves and others, and when they’re not met, we feel disappointed or frustrated.
Nobody is perfect—we all make mistakes, we all have flaws, and that’s okay because it’s what makes us human.
Constantly seeking perfection not only adds unnecessary stress to our lives, but it also prevents us from appreciating the beauty in imperfection.
Embracing imperfection, on the other hand, can make us more understanding and patient—in short, gentler and kinder.
Reflect on why you’re doing this: Is it really necessary or are you simply chasing an unattainable ideal?
It’s alright to strive for improvement, but don’t let perfection become the enemy of good.
8) Ignoring your own needs
The most crucial aspect of becoming a gentler and kinder person is taking care of your own needs.
When we neglect ourselves, we may become irritable, resentful, or even ill—making it difficult for us to be kind to others.
On the contrary, when we take care of our physical, emotional, and mental needs, we’re better equipped to extend kindness and gentleness to those around us.
Make sure to prioritize self-care by getting enough sleep, eating healthily, exercising regularly, and taking the time to relax and do things you enjoy.
You can’t pour from an empty cup, so take care of yourself first and you’ll find it much easier to take care of others!
Embracing the journey
Becoming gentler and kinder focuses on changing specific behaviors and is considered as a transformation that starts from within—acknowledging your imperfections, setting boundaries, and letting go of grudges.
It’s also about being patient with yourself and others while prioritizing your needs so you can better serve others.
In essence, it’s a journey of self-discovery and growth.
As the Dalai Lama XIV once said, “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”
This is a powerful reminder that gentleness and kindness are choices we consciously make every day.
Becoming gentler and kinder as you age is a personal journey as it takes time, patience, and self-love so start by being kind to yourself—care for yourself first, and your kindness toward others will naturally grow.
Reflect on what you’ve read: What small steps can you take today to embrace more gentleness and kindness?
The journey begins with a single step—why not take it now?
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