If you really want to come across as a nice person, say goodbye to these 9 behaviors

Everyone wants to be seen as a “nice person,” but being genuinely nice isn’t as simple as smiling and being polite.

Real kindness goes deeper than that. It’s about how you make people feel when they’re around you — respected, valued, and understood.

But here’s the thing: sometimes, without even realizing it, we hold on to habits that sabotage our efforts to come across as kind.

It’s not always the obvious stuff like being rude or mean-spirited. Sometimes, it’s subtle behaviors that seem harmless on the surface but leave others feeling dismissed, annoyed, or uncomfortable.

The good news? These habits can be unlearned. If you’re serious about being seen as a genuinely nice person, it’s time to reflect on the little things you do that might be sending the wrong message.

Here are 9 behaviors that could be quietly working against you. Say goodbye to these, and you’ll not only come across as nicer — you’ll actually be nicer in the process.

1) Giving unsolicited advice

We’ve all been there – someone shares a problem, and before they’ve even finished, we’re jumping in with solutions and advice.

Our intentions are good—we’re trying to help—but giving advice when it’s not asked for can often backfire. It can come across as dismissive, controlling, or even condescending, leaving the other person feeling unheard.

As author Steve Maraboli wisely said, “Sometimes we need someone to just listen. Not to try and fix anything or offer alternatives, but to just be there… to listen.”

Instead of rushing to solve the issue, take a step back and ask yourself: Did they ask for my input, or do they just need support?

Often, a listening ear is far more valuable than even the best advice.

2) Interrupting

When was the last time you found yourself cutting someone off mid-sentence?

It happens to the best of us—sometimes out of excitement to share our thoughts or because we assume we already know what the other person is going to say.

But interrupting sends a clear message: What I have to say is more important than what you’re saying. Even if that’s not your intention, it can make others feel undervalued or ignored.

A good rule of thumb? Pause, breathe, and let the other person finish.

Not only will you come across as more respectful, but you’ll also build stronger, more meaningful connections by showing that you truly value what others have to say.

3) Avoiding vulnerability

I know this one might sound strange on this list, but hear me out.

So often, we try to avoid showing any cracks in our armor, striving to appear “perfect” in every situation.

But here’s the issue: People don’t relate to perfect. Perfect isn’t warm, approachable, or, well, nice. It creates distance, not connection.

The solution? Vulnerability.

As researcher Brené Brown beautifully puts it, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.”

When you allow yourself to be authentic and let others see your imperfections, you invite real connection.

Being vulnerable shows that you trust others enough to share your true self—and that’s one of the kindest things you can do.

4) Frequent complaining

It’s natural to vent once in a while—we all need to let off steam. But when complaining becomes a regular habit, it can start to wear on those around you.

Research backs this up: In a survey conducted by Kick Resume, the “chronic complainer” ranked among the top five most annoying types of coworkers.

Constant negativity doesn’t just drain the energy in the room—it can also make you seem self-focused and dismissive of others’ challenges.

Instead of fixating on what’s wrong, try shifting your focus to problem-solving or finding something positive in the situation.

A little optimism can go a long way in making you more pleasant to be around—and it might just improve your own mood too.

5) One-upping

This is a big one.

We’ve all encountered someone who, no matter what you share, has a story to top it.

You ran a 5K? They’ve run a marathon. You got a promotion? They’re already the CEO. While it might stem from a desire to connect or impress, one-upping often has the opposite effect.

Instead of feeling heard, the other person feels overshadowed, as if their achievements or experiences don’t measure up.

True kindness means letting others have their moment. Celebrate their wins, empathize with their struggles, and resist the urge to redirect the spotlight.

Being supportive and genuinely interested is far more impressive than any humblebrag you could slip into the conversation.

6) Ignoring personal boundaries

I’ll admit, this one can be tricky because personal boundaries vary so much from person to person. What feels comfortable or acceptable to one person might feel invasive or overwhelming to another.

However, whether it’s overstepping in conversations, getting too personal too quickly, or assuming someone is okay with certain behaviors, crossing boundaries can make others feel uneasy—even if you don’t mean any harm.

The best approach?

Play it safe by respecting the cues people give you. If someone seems hesitant or pulls back, take it as a signal to step back too. And when in doubt, just ask.

Showing that you’re mindful of someone’s boundaries is a simple but powerful way to demonstrate care and respect.

7) Forgetting to show appreciation

Last but not least, a simple one: showing appreciation.

In the rush of daily life, it’s easy to take the people around us for granted—whether it’s a friend who’s always there to listen, a coworker who helps out without being asked, or even a stranger who holds the door open.

But forgetting to acknowledge these small acts of kindness can make you seem indifferent or ungrateful, even if that’s not how you feel.

A heartfelt “thank you,” a compliment, or even just a genuine smile can go a long way in making others feel valued. It doesn’t take much, but these little gestures have a big impact in showing the people around you that they matter.

And really, isn’t that what being nice is all about?

The bottom line

Being nice isn’t about perfection—it’s about being mindful of how your words and actions affect others.

The good news?

These behaviors aren’t set in stone. By becoming aware of them and making small adjustments, you can transform the way you connect with the people around you.

Kindness is in the little things: listening without judgment, respecting boundaries, and showing genuine appreciation.

So, as you go about your day, remember—small changes can have a big impact. Here’s to creating stronger, kinder, and more meaningful connections, one interaction at a time!