9 things people who value privacy never do in public

I’ve spent much of my life fascinated by how people establish and maintain boundaries, both in relationships and in everyday life.

The more I observe, the more I realize that truly private individuals have a set of unwritten rules they live by, especially when they’re out and about.

I remember an old acquaintance who once confided in me that she felt deeply embarrassed after unloading her most personal issues during an office lunch.

She told me how she’d had a temporary wave of relief getting everything off her chest, but the fallout was even worse—office gossip, unsolicited advice, pitying looks.

It’s experiences like these that remind me just how important it is to be intentional about what we share and where we share it.

I’ve also seen the opposite: people who move quietly, share selectively, and navigate life with a graceful sense of discretion.

They’re not cold, but they are measured.

Over time, I’ve made mental notes of what these private types don’t do in public.

So, if you’re curious about embracing a bit more privacy (and saving yourself some awkward moments along the way), here are nine things people who value discretion just won’t do in front of a crowd.

1. They never overshare personal details

You might have read my post on setting boundaries in relationships, where I discussed how certain aspects of our personal lives—family conflicts, intimate matters, unresolved traumas—should be reserved for safe spaces and supportive circles.

When I was younger, I remember sitting in a coffee shop, listening to a stranger at the next table divulge the blow-by-blow details of a recent breakup.

Although I’m a counselor by profession, it still felt intrusive. Looking back, it’s clear this person needed an outlet, but a public café might not have been the healthiest choice.

People who cherish privacy respect themselves and those around them enough not to turn a public spot into a personal therapy session.

They realize some conversations should remain behind closed doors, especially if these discussions are emotionally charged or loaded with sensitive details.

The folks at Positive Psychology stand behind this, noting that maintaining healthy personal boundaries fosters self-respect and emotional well-being.

2. They never broadcast ongoing personal drama

We’ve all witnessed it at some point—a heated phone argument at the supermarket or a tear-filled meltdown in the office break room.

Of course, life happens, and emotions can sometimes catch us off guard. But in general, those who value their privacy tend to keep their unresolved tensions and personal crises behind the scenes.

The reason is pretty straightforward: personal drama, by its very nature, involves complex, layered feelings.

Publicizing it often invites unwanted opinions, half-baked solutions, or gossip that might only make the situation worse.

If you’re in the thick of emotional turmoil, it’s usually best to confide in a trusted friend, a therapist, or a close family member—somewhere you can find genuine support instead of public scrutiny.

3. They never seek validation by sharing every achievement

Have you ever seen someone announce every single victory—small or large—in a group setting or on social media?

There’s nothing inherently wrong with celebrating accomplishments, but individuals who truly value their privacy often prefer to let their work speak for itself.

They don’t constantly look for external validation by detailing all their achievements.

It’s not that they aren’t proud of their milestones; it’s just that they don’t rely heavily on public praise to feel good about themselves.

As Daniel Goleman, the renowned psychologist and author of Emotional Intelligence, has emphasized, true confidence comes from within, not from the applause of others.

Quiet confidence can be more powerful than the loudest boast because it’s grounded in self-assuredness rather than a hunger for attention.

4. They never badmouth others in a public setting

Whether it’s gossiping about a co-worker or criticizing a family member at a busy restaurant, private individuals steer clear of turning personal opinions into public spectacles.

Part of valuing privacy means respecting others’ boundaries, too.

Sharing negative insights about someone else in a loud, open environment not only puts your own integrity into question, but it can also boomerang back.

People who are guarded with their own personal matters recognize that gossip is a slippery slope.

Being overheard or misquoted can create unnecessary strain on relationships and harm reputations. So, they keep their grievances to themselves, or they address them directly (and discreetly) with the person involved.

5. They never discuss sensitive financial matters in public

I once overheard a rather loud debate in an airport lounge between a couple, disputing who should pay the mortgage, credit card bills, and everything in between.

As a counselor, I know money is often one of the most sensitive topics in relationships. Watching that particular exchange unfold under the fluorescent lighting of an airport for everyone to see was excruciating.

Folks who are serious about privacy understand that finances are deeply personal.

Whether it’s debt, investment strategies, or monthly budgets, these are topics typically reserved for private conversations with close partners, financial advisors, or maybe a trusted mentor.

Blasting this information to a crowd can lead to judgment or even unscrupulous eavesdroppers who might want to exploit that knowledge.

6. They never reveal ongoing relationship conflicts to casual acquaintances

I’ve counseled many couples who feel the need to seek validation from friends—and even strangers—whenever they have a disagreement.

There’s a belief that getting more opinions will lend credibility to one’s perspective.

Yet, people who place a premium on privacy avoid turning casual chats into couple’s therapy sessions.

It’s not that they hide problems under the rug. It’s simply that they’d rather handle conflicts through open communication behind closed doors or speak with a licensed professional if needed.

They understand that airing relationship disputes in public can lead to confusion, misunderstandings, and added layers of drama.

In a world addicted to immediate feedback, the willingness to resolve issues with discreet care stands out as a sign of mutual respect and emotional intelligence.

7. They never showcase private digital content in public

On more than one occasion, I’ve witnessed people in a waiting room openly scrolling through sensitive emails or private pictures—often with watchful strangers right behind them.

In an age dominated by smartphones, it’s easy to forget how vulnerable you are when you let your guard down in a public space.

Individuals who prioritize privacy are mindful of their surroundings and take precautions before opening personal messages or confidential files.

Even if you’re just catching up on emails, it’s wise to keep your screen angled away from prying eyes.

Besides, none of us want to inadvertently reveal something that was meant for our eyes only.

8. They never insist on personal details from others

“Tell me all about your ex!” or “How much do you make in a year?”

Some people think nothing of lobbing personal questions at acquaintances or colleagues.

But those who appreciate privacy understand that personal information must be earned and given freely, not pried out through invasive questions.

Susan Cain, in her work around introversion, often notes the beauty in quiet reflection and gentle curiosity. It’s about allowing others the space to share in their own time rather than bombarding them with inquiries.

People who are private typically extend the same courtesy they wish to receive.

They let meaningful connections develop organically, and they never force or demand personal revelations from others.

9. They never put on a façade they can’t sustain

This one probably deserved a higher spot on the list, but I wanted to save it for later because it ties everything together.

People who value privacy don’t feel the need to put on a public performance that contradicts who they are behind the scenes. They’re consistent in their behavior across environments.

Some individuals craft a persona in public—overly sharing, boasting, or even pretending to be more (or less) than they are—only to collapse under the weight of that performance later.

Private people tend to be authentic, whether they’re surrounded by a crowd or just hanging with close friends. As Psychology Today pointed out, setting boundaries can help maintain a sense of authenticity in relationships.

When you’re clear on who you are and what’s off-limits, you don’t have to stage a personality that you can’t keep up long-term.

Final thoughts

Privacy isn’t about secrecy or pushing people away. It’s about choosing which parts of your life to share, and in which context.

There’s genuine power in keeping certain matters close to your chest.

Not because you’re hiding something shameful, but because your thoughts, feelings, and experiences are valuable enough to be protected.

Brene Brown wisely said, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”

To me, that perfectly sums up the mindset of those who treasure their personal space.

They don’t take the risk of oversharing or under-sharing lightly—they weigh the cost, consider the potential impact, and then proceed from a place of self-respect.

If you recognize that you’ve been a little too open in public, or that you sometimes lean on external validation, I encourage you to reflect on how you can bring a bit more mindfulness into your daily interactions.

It’s not about shutting everyone out. It’s about being intentional with whom you share your life’s most delicate details.