There’s a fine line between influence and manipulation, and it’s all about intent.
Manipulation, unlike influence, is a covert tactic. A master manipulator knows exactly how to make you feel inferior without you even realizing it.
They slip in phrases subtly designed to undermine your self-esteem. It’s a crafty way to gain the upper hand.
Let me share with you some of these phrases that master manipulators use to make you feel less of a person. This way, you can spot them and stop them in their tracks.
1) You always…
Manipulation lurks in the shadows of generalization. Master manipulators, quite adept at this, often use sweeping statements to subtly undermine your confidence.
Typically, they’ll begin their sentences with “You always…” or “You never…” This tactic aims to highlight your perceived shortcomings and inconsistencies.
Imagine hearing “You always mess things up” or “You never take my advice”. Sentences like these are broad, negative, and generally untrue. However, when dropped subtly into conversations, they can chip away at your self-esteem.
Beware of these generalizations, and remember that nobody is perfect. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and it’s never as black and white as a manipulator might paint it.
2) I’m just saying…
This phrase is a classic in the manipulator’s playbook. It’s a way of passing off hurtful comments as mere observations or innocent opinions.
I remember a friend who would constantly use this phrase. She’d say something like, “I’m just saying, you could stand to lose a few pounds,” or “I’m just saying, you’re not as successful as you think you are.”
These comments, masked as harmless remarks, were actually designed to belittle me and chip away at my self-confidence. Over time, I started to see her words for what they were – manipulative tactics. Recognizing this phrase can help you identify when someone is trying to undermine your self-worth under the guise of ‘just saying’.
3) If you really cared about me…
This phrase is a manipulator’s ticket to emotional blackmail. It’s designed to make you feel guilty and question your loyalty or affection towards the manipulator.
“If you really cared about me, you would…” or “If you loved me, you wouldn’t…” These phrases create an emotional debt, making you feel like you owe the manipulator something.
Psychologists call this ‘loan sharking’. The manipulator gives something – be it love, care, or attention – and then demands a ‘repayment’ of sorts, typically in the form of a behavior or action that suits their agenda. It’s a deceptive way of controlling someone else’s actions while making them feel indebted.
4) You’re too sensitive…
In the manipulator’s toolkit, this phrase is a double-edged sword. It not only invalidates your feelings but also shifts the blame onto you.
When you express hurt or discomfort at their actions or words, they might respond with “You’re too sensitive” or “You’re overreacting”. They use this as a deflection tactic to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, making you second guess your emotions and reactions.
Remember, it’s essential to trust your feelings and instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t, regardless of what the manipulator might say.
5) You just don’t understand…
This phrase is a master manipulator’s way of undermining your intelligence and judgement. It’s designed to make you feel inadequate and doubt your comprehension skills.
“You just don’t understand” or “You’re not getting it” are phrases commonly used to dismiss your point of view or to make their own opinion seem more valid and important.
In essence, they’re saying your perspective isn’t worth considering because you’re supposedly incapable of understanding the situation. This can be a powerful way to belittle someone and make them feel inferior. Don’t let someone else’s words question your intelligence or self-worth.
6) I don’t know why I bother…
This phrase is a manipulator’s silent weapon. It’s designed to make you feel guilty and unappreciative, instilling a sense of obligation towards the manipulator.
“I don’t know why I bother” or “Why do I even try with you?” are phrases designed to make you feel like you’re not worth the effort, that you’re a disappointment.
The emotional toll of hearing these words can be overwhelming. It can make you feel like a burden and, in turn, strive to please the manipulator to alleviate these feelings.
Remember, everyone deserves respect and kindness. No one should make you feel unworthy or obligated to meet their unreasonable standards.
7) I was just kidding…
This phrase is a manipulator’s shield, used to deflect criticism of their hurtful or inappropriate comments.
“I was just kidding” or “Can’t you take a joke?” are phrases often used after a manipulator says something offensive or mean-spirited. It’s a way for them to dodge accountability while making you feel like you’re in the wrong for being upset.
I recall a time when someone close to me would constantly belittle my dreams and ambitions, only to follow up with “I was just kidding, don’t take it so seriously.” It took me a while to realize that this was a form of manipulation, aimed at making me doubt my own worth and aspirations.
Remember, humor should never be used as a disguise for disrespect or cruelty. Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to stand up for yourself when someone crosses the line.
8) It’s for your own good…
This phrase is a manipulator’s cloak, covering their selfish motives with a veil of concern for your welfare.
“It’s for your own good” or “I’m only doing this because I care about you” are phrases manipulators use to justify their controlling behavior. They make it seem like their actions, no matter how harmful or restrictive, are in your best interest.
In reality, this is often a ploy to control your actions and decisions, aligning them with the manipulator’s desires and agenda. Don’t fall for this guise of concern. Only you can truly know what’s best for you.
9) You’re overthinking it…
This phrase is a manipulator’s smokescreen, used to cloud your judgement and make you second guess your intuition.
“You’re overthinking it” or “You’re being paranoid” are phrases often used when you start to question or doubt the manipulator’s actions or intentions. They use this tactic to dismiss your concerns and stop you from probing further.
By making you doubt your own thoughts and instincts, they can continue their manipulative behavior unchecked. Trust your gut feelings and don’t let anyone make you feel like your concerns are unwarranted.
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