As surely as the calendar opens on another year, tech marketers of every stripe descend on the
1. Taser?s hot-pink stun gun in an MP3-playing holster. There are only two buttons on this lethal little beauty. One unleashes the Dave Matthews Band?the other, searing white-hot pain. Try not to confuse them.
2. Location Based Technologies? PocketFinder Pet Locator sounds an alarm if your dog suffers a crushing blow. In case the yelping isn’t enough of a clue.
3. Myvu?s wraparound glasses let you tune out the world while watching videos in your own, personal, antisocial little cinema. The ?glance-down design? allows for ?situational awareness.? Uh-huh.
4. Cruzin Cooler, ?the world?s first motorized, rideable ice chest.? This bastardized scooter holds 27 12-ounce cans and can go 14 mph with a 300-pound rider. If you want one, that last spec probably matters to you.
5. Bill Gates playing Guitar Hero II on stage with Slash. Not a tech item, just something we never want to see again.
6.
7. Lasonic boomboxes. Yup, just what it sounds like. Boomboxes. Straight outta 1982. Grab your Adidas and a sheet of cardboard and bust some throwback flare. Then go get an iPod like the rest of us.
8. Geewhiz Entertainment?s Mr. Clock Radio. A clock radio with a smart-alecky robot head that sneers, smirks and makes with the wisecracks. We give it a week of predawn wakeups before it?s reduced to guttural moans and plastic shards.
9. FrommWorks? QuikPod. A stick that holds your camera at arm?s length so you can take your own picture. If you can?t use the self-timer or ask a stranger for help, you?re probably about to take a pic that will come back to haunt you. Don?t do it.
10. Dell?s Alienware three-foot-long curved monitor. Nothing says ?go play outside? like a 2880×900