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Awful Applications and Ridiculous Resumes

By Dennis McCafferty on 2010-09-20


There are nearly 15 million people unemployed in the U.S., and, judging by the paperwork, quite a few of them are going to remain jobless for a while. That's the impression conveyed by a new report from Careerbuilder.com. The job-search company surveyed more than 2,500 HR managers to get a sense of how much time they spend reading resumes and applications, and to figure out what job candidates need to do to stand out from the crowd. Turns out, some candidates go too far when trying to make an impression. With references to God, Vikings and monkeys, maybe these employment-seekers need guidance on the whole "too much information" thing." While it's important to carve out some sort of individual identity, job seekers need to make sure their resumes catch hiring managers' eyes for the right reasons," said Rosemary Haefner, vice president of human resources at CareerBuilder. Here are some revealing statistics from the survey, along with the Best of the Worst from application forms and resumes.
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One candidate put down God as a reference. No phone number to check it, though.

An applicant listed his alleged direct descent from the Vikings as an asset.

A job-seeker's e-mail address contained the phrase "lovesbeer."

"Master of Time and Universe" was included in one guy's "experience" qualifications.

A candidate started off the application with "Do you want a tiger?"

An applicant felt obligated to specifically state that he was not a gypsy.

One condition for accepting a position was to be allowed to bring a pet monkey to work.

Boasted one candidate, "I'll have your job in five years."

An applicant declared himself the LeBron James of table games.

A job seeker sent an HR manager a video in which the candidate attempted to hypnotize the manager into hiring him.

48 percent of HR managers say they typically review 25 applications or less for open positions.

38 percent of HR managers say they spend, on average, less than a minute reviewing a resume; 18 percent spend less than 30 seconds.

79 percent of HR managers say they'll pay more attention to a resume if it's customized for an open position.

How to Improve Your Chances
Quantify; focus on measurable results that you delivered, e.g., a project that increased productivity or cut costs.

How to Improve Your Chances
Make the resume easy to read. Avoid fancy fonts that cause formatting issues when delivered electronically.

How to Improve Your Chances
Don't use any of the examples listed above.

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